Ah, felis catus. The joy and bane of my life, and that of cat owners worldwide. Science has said they're sociopaths and if they were bigger, they'd kill us. But they’re small and cute so, instead, we keep them in our houses and occasionally dress them up in ridiculous outfits for our pleasure.
Living with you, precious kitty, is truly a wild ride. I’ve never experienced any feeling equivalent to the mixture of horror and flattery I have when you leave dead “presents” on my bedroom floor. And there’s nothing quite like waking up to you suffocating me by lying on my face. Or, waking up to you meowing because you’re hungry, even though there’s a full bowl of food literally right there. Or, occasionally, waking up to you poking me in the face with your paw for no apparent reason. I don’t know why you’re so opposed to me ever getting a full night’s sleep.
Still, with all of your eccentricities and behaviors which some people would call annoying or “proof cats are evil masterminds,” I love you more than most things on this Earth. I mean, who could look at that face and not? You manage to be adorable even when you’re death glaring me for trying to touch your belly or even thinking about giving you a bath. (By the way, please let me give you a bath because you’re getting pretty stinky. It won’t be that bad, I promise.) I must admit, though, you are a little less cute when you make eye contact with me before sending a breakable object crashing to the floor.
By my book, you’re man’s best friend (sorry, dog people). You’re the only one who comforts me without asking, “What’s wrong?” It’s truly appreciated, even though your idea of comforting me is often sitting on my lap and refusing to leave, essentially holding me hostage because I love you too much to make you move. You’re soft and loving, and your cuddling abilities could never be matched by any dog (sorry, again, dog people). The sound of your purr is music to my ears (and proven to be healthy), although the kneading with your sharp claws is a little less enjoyable. You’re intelligent, too -- you prove it by always managing to get yourself into places you shouldn’t be.
You make me proud to be a cat person, even though you’re seriously a jerk sometimes. All of the scratches and broken things are worth it. You make my day every time you come up and lick my nose or touch me softly with your paw when I’m feeling down. After a hard day, your fuzzy face is all I want to see. I wouldn’t want any other murderous fur ball in my home.
Come time to clean the litterbox, though, I may feel a little different.
Love,
Your owner.
