My Beautiful Daughter,
When you first fall in love, you will love him endlessly. You'll love until it hurts, like it's pushing against the walls of you skin trying to get out. He'll be all you can see, and all you can breathe. His scent will make you feel safe, and it wil fill you to your edges.
You will buy a waterproof case so you can text him in the shower. You'll keep your phone on loud while you sleep just in case there was an emergency. You would drop everything to help him. You will put him before yourself countless times. You will become a martyr for the cause of him. Because that is how you love.
When you think of him, it will be a myriad of beautiful moments. You will feel him in colors. He will be fire red in your greyscale vision, lighting up your world. You'll think the sun rises and sets on him. He will be the first person to make you feel sexy; he will jumpstart your transformation from a little girl into a woman.
A parent is supposed to bring their child into adulthood. I taught you how to love and be loved. Now you can give that gift to him, and I couldn't be more proud of your capacity to completely immerse yourself and trust in another person. But you will be so beautifully vulnerable and he could break you so easily. If and when he does, you'll try to be brave although it'll destroy you. But that's okay, you'll learn to carry on without him; you are stronger than you know.
"Aki ga tatsu" is Japanese for the autumn breeze begins to blow, but people in the culture say it when a person falls out of love. There will be a day where your relationship has run its course. You are both so young, your world is built upon one thing, and it can crash with a simple small gust of a fall wind. That is all part of the risk of falling in love. You will function, although it feels as if time has stopped. Be grateful for all that is has given you, and all you have learned.
You will be lost for a while. It will feel like your walls are melting, like the world is hallucinating and you are the only sane one. Your emotions will come in waves. You will cry at the smallest things, then you'll hate yourself because you think of all the tragedies other people are going through. Yet, here you are crying over a boy.
But you will get through it. I have faith. One day you will find yourself laughing with your friends and not having that lingering feeling of loss. You don't know this yet, and you probably don't think it's possible, but you will find that happiness with someone else, and it will be even more powerful.
In the meantime, I want you to learn to love yourself with that same unquestioning stability. You cannot love another unless you first love yourself.
Love always,
Mom
