Dear you,

Hey. It's been a while. I hope you're doing well. It's not that I miss you, because I don't... I miss the thought of you, I guess. I miss what I made up in my head during our "friendship."

Friendship is two sided. Friendship is love for someone that you'd do anything to see them smile. Our "friendship" was one sided. Our "friendship" was hate for someone that you'd do anything to see them cry. We were toxic. But I don't regret wasting my time on you; there were some good moments in there. We laughed until we cried. We shared secrets. We sat in each other's presence without noise. It was good for a while.

I think toward the end we both could feel a fade. I could feel myself not feeling for your happiness anymore. I began to dread seeing your face everyday. I began to wonder why we were still "friends."

Senior year of high school was filled with a series of roller coasters. We were friends, then we weren't. We could stand to be around each other, and then we couldn't. We loved each other. We hated each other. We wanted happiness for each other. We wanted sadness for each other. Just up and down the whole year. It was exhausting.

Looking back now, I realize that there was no "we" or "us" it was only "me" and "you." I thought our kids were going to grow up together. I thought we were going to grow old together. I thought were going to be best friends until the end. I wanted that. I wanted our kids to grow up together. I wanted to grow old together. I wanted to be best friends until the end. But you either didn't or didn't care either way.

Thank you for showing me the opposites in life. When I wanted to go up, you drug me down. When I wanted happiness, you brought sadness. When I wanted bright lights, you drug me into the darkness.

I do love you. I do hope the best for you. I want to see you succeed. I want you to find someone that will treat you like I did. But most importantly, I want you to realize it next time. Show him/her that you care. Be the other side. Don't let them be the one side that cares. Make a lasting friendship. I hope your kids will grow up with their kids. I hope you grow old together. I hope you're best friends until the end.

Because that's what I wanted for you all along--happiness.

Love,

me