An Open Letter To My Forty-Year-Old Self

An Open Letter To My Forty-Year-Old Self

First and foremost, I hope you're content with work


I came across an article called "Women In Their 40's Give Advice To Their 20-Something Selves, And It's Worth The Read" and I couldn't help but think what I will want to tell myself now when I'm 40. And since I can't do that, here's what I want to tell my 40-year-old self at the age of 22.

First and foremost, I hope you're content with work. You have always been work-oriented and I hope you've found something in a career that you enjoy. Right now, you are teaching English in Thailand with hopes to settle down around your age as an LMFT, but whatever you have chosen to do I know you're enjoying it. Because one thing I hope that is still a strong suit of mine at your age is that I never stay at a job I do not like. But that goes with anything in life. Recently, I have found that I can leave things that I do not enjoy and I just hope that hasn't changed.

I also hope you're content with traveling. Right now, I never want to go back home nor do I want to stop moving around. If that has changed, I hope it's because you've found a place worth settling for. I have never been happier in my 22 years of living than I am right now and I know that's because I left a place that made me feel less of myself. So, if you have settled, I hope it brings you the same comfort and joy that being in Thailand is bringing me right now. And I hope it's not in America.

I hope that you've put all your love and light into friendships. One thing I regret is taking advantage of the friendships I had back home, but now that I am where I am, friendships and meaningful connections are all I could ever want out of life. I have met so many wonderful people here in Thailand and I am over the moon about it. (I have never used that phrase, so here's a moment to mourn my dignity). But I'm serious. And meeting these people have taught me so much about myself. They're bringing out parts of myself I love and some parts that I know I need working on. I've never met people that make me want to do and be better at teaching, at being a friend, and even at living. They've brought out the side of me that wants more from life and I've never felt that before.

And lastly, the two biggest decisions in your life that have completely changed since being in Thailand - a man and children. I told someone the other day how I don't want to marry and that the idea of children is becoming foreign to me. He asked why I would want to become an LMFT if that's true. I told him the same way sports commentators were probably not the best at sports or that playing the sport isn't their forte. I'm not entirely sure marriage or a long-term relationship and children are my forte, but the idea of both is still amusing. And it's not that I don't want either entirely, but having it to myself is a lot to take in at the moment.

So, if you are married, you really bitched out on that idea. And if you have a child or children, you know you have always been amused at the idea of being a single mother.

But nonetheless, I hope you're content with everything in life. Dad still says that I'm a 40-year-old stuck in a 20-year-old's body, so I know once I am your age there's nothing you are going to want to tell me that I don't already know now. So that's why I'm here.

I know a lot will happen between now and then but I hope that you still feel the same way I do about life at this very moment. I have made big decisions to be typing this from my first apartment in Bangkok, Thailand making my own money and paying my own bills. I would have never fucking thought this would be me three years ago. So, what I'm trying to say is, I know shit will happen and things will change but regardless, I hope you never stop making big decisions that will change your life. No matter how selfish they are. I hope that you keep going towards things that feel right.

Leaving people, leaving places, opening new doors, and trying new things has been your biggest struggles this past year and somehow, in four months, they have become your biggest strengths. I've followed my intuition more in the past four months than I ever have before and all I can hope is that when I'm where you are, none of that has changed.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Here's What Happens When All Of Your Friends Have Babies

All of my friends back home are married with children. No, really, they are.


Over the past few months, three of my friends have shared their pregnancy news with me, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Baby news always stirs up a range of emotions for me. I'm excited and crying happy tears (no joke, I started to cry when my best friend told me and showed me her ultrasound).

Being "Auntie Meg" brings me such great joy. You see, I absolutely adore children, especially my friend's kiddos. They can easily brighten up my day with their giggles, love you, and their goodbye kisses & waves. I absolutely love getting to be "Auntie Meg"; it could potentially be my favorite role to fill.

I don't think I've ever loved human beings more than I love these babies. These are kiddos I would do almost anything for; they truly have my whole heart and I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one of them. I've loved getting to watch my friends grow into incredible parents.

I love getting to be one of the biggest cheerleaders for my friends and their kids. Listen, I can't wait for the day when they are older and are asking to come over more and spend time doing fun things with auntie Meg. I can't wait to watch them grow and I can't wait to be able to come alongside them and be a shoulder to cry on and one of the loudest voices cheering them on (Next to mom and dad, of course).

While there is just so much good about your friends growing up and having children of their own, if you are not careful, it can also fuel a person's self-doubt.

It can bring up questions like, "am I good enough?", "what is wrong with me?", "why am I not where they are at?" I would be lying if I said that I have never thought or felt these things, but here's the thing: you are good enough, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and their path is not your path; you will get there when you get there.

Those things are so important to remember in times when you begin to doubt yourself or your worth.

Believe me, you are good enough, there is nothing wrong with you, and that is not the path you need to be on at the moment. This is a great time for you to focus on you and the things you want out of life. What are your goals? What is on your bucket list? Just because you don't have the things your friends have, doesn't make your life any less fulfilled than theirs is. Your life is just as wonderful and fulfilling as theirs is, just in different ways.

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