You wake up in a squeaky, twin-sized bed at 9:06 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. You sit up and allow your tired eyes to wander around your room. You see a pile of dirty laundry scattered across your rug, and your backpack - filled with homework waiting to be done - is staring back at you. You make your way to the window, only to see a gloomy, grey sky, and your mind flashes back to the night before. You remember how you lied awake all night, beating yourself up over an argument that occurred between you and a friend a couple months back.
It is hardly 9 o'clock in the morning, and the thought of having to walk to class and speak to friends seems like too much. If you could, you would get into bed, and fall back asleep.
You can blame this feeling of desolation on the miles between yourself and the one you love. You could blame it on the ones that left you abandoned with nowhere to turn. You could blame it on the ones you haven’t spoken to in months- the ones that claim they know you so well. You could blame it on the gloomy, grey skies that transcend over your head every morning. You could blame the pain you are feeling on anything, but what is that going to do?
You can’t fix the distance; you can’t beg people to stay, and there isn’t enough time in the day to explain yourself to everyone that doesn't understand.
If you have ever felt this way, I want you to know that you are not alone.
The truth is, we all face struggles - some last a day, some last months. When I was going through a situation similar to the one that's been described, I sat down and started to write, hoping it would help sort my thoughts. This is my resolution:
After countless days spent in bed, dwelling on my sadness, I came to the realization that there is nothing and no one to blame. This is my life. There will be days when the simple task of getting out of bed, suddenly, isn’t so simple anymore. Some nights I’ll go to bed wishing I never forget the way I feel in that moment, and others I’ll be crying in pain and praying I’ll forget soon enough just so I can fall asleep.
These good and bad moments make us who we are. I believe that with each second spent laughing, our hearts grow fuller and fuller- making room for more love. And with each tear that is cried, a flower blooms on the surface of our skin to remind us that we are strong, beautiful parts of this earth that are able to endure the bullets that are shot at us by the mindless.
On the mornings it pains you to get out of bed, please remember this:
You are allowed to be upset, but it is not healthy to allow yourself to wake up with the same agony day after day. People leave, relationships end and distance may be a factor, but, new people make their way into your life, new relationships grow. Believe me, when I say that you can never fully appreciate love until you find yourself drunk at 3 am wanting nothing other than to feel the heat of their fingertips along your back.
At the end of the day, it’s you you’re left alone with. Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself for the many mistakes you’ve made, but more importantly, forgive the ones that never apologized. Not because it’s the right thing to do, but because you deserve to be at peace. You deserve to wake up every morning thankful you are here, not to wish you were still asleep.
Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
