I am so sorry. I am sorry that the world is the way that it is and that life has gotten this hard. You are questioning your faith and at this point in life that seems like the biggest mistake you could make. You flip flop from feelings of unknown, anxiety and worry to feelings of such shame for straying from and questioning the one thing you should be turning to in a time like this. Let me comfort you some, this is normal.

God tests us. We know this. I just don't think we expected to ever feel this consumed by everything else going on around us. I don't think we prepared and strengthened our faith enough for a moment like this. But that's OK. We are human and by an amazing saving grace there is a loving Savior who finds it the easiest to love us in a bare moment of stupid mistakes. College is hard, I am not here to tell you differently but I am here to tell you that if you hold on with that teeny tiny bit of hope that you have left, you will make it through.

Between fading friendships, strained relationships (both with significant others and family), failed tests and endless days of self struggling I found myself with a complete loss of faith. I wasn't who I know I am and I wasn't allowing Him to be in my life as who He is. There was so much wrong going on in my life and I was messing up everything I possibly could. At least that's how it felt. I felt that allowing something so precious and holy as faith into my life was like putting a new born baby into the hands of a meth addict. A situation with only one outcome: destruction. How dare I feel worthy of something so amazing and graceful? I was a screw up and college had proved it to me.

I cannot stress to you enough how horribly wrong I was and you might be. As much as you feel like you've been making mistakes in this chapter of your life I can promise you that the biggest one you could make would be running out on your faith. There's a saying that you have to fall all the way down to rock bottom to be in a position to be lifted up again. For many of us young believers that is college. I beg and pray that you take the time to sit down and look at your life and realize that you absolutely cannot do this on your own. No matter how strong or independent you may be He is here for you. The one thing He wants is to be able to help and guide us. The sick are the ones who need a doctor. Broken people need their faith and I can tell you as a student myself we are all broken in some way. Don't let that statement bring you down. I have never seen anything more beautiful than broken people coming together in faith. It is so incredible.

Lastly, know that you are not alone. Everyone struggles with their faith at some point and for many that is college. Just know that He is with you in those darkest moments. My last prayer is that this letter finds someone who needs these reminders.

Sincerely,

Beautifully Broken