Dear Church,
I grew up with you. I knew every secret hallway, every answer to the questions in Sunday School and small groups, what time every service and every event was, where every student went to school, where everyone's parents were and where they served in the church. I knew the answers. I knew the rights from wrongs, yet for some reason I felt exhausted. I felt overwhelmed, and I felt uncared for toward the end.
After my dad died, God placed more people in my life from the church, but they only stayed for a few months if that. They cared until they realized that I was "okay", but they never found depth. I was worked to exhaustion. I was given six different ministries to serve in. At the end of it all, I realized I never attended a church service to feed myself. Sure, I was in youth but I was stubborn and wanted to be on my phone the whole time.
Time went by, and I had to leave. I realized I was no longer growing. I knew I was not doing the right things. I apologize for the conflict and confusion I made in the church, but I knew what was right at that point. I knew what I had to do. I wanted to stay, but I knew if I did I would continue leading in ministries that I shouldn't have been, and I knew that I would continue to harm my students more than helping them.
Two years have gone by since I left, and it was the best decision I ever made. I found another place to grow and build myself back up in Christ. I figured out that it wasn't the church that was the issue, it was me. I realize that now, and that is the best realization I have ever come to. It's been two years, and I moved away from home now which challenged me to once again find a new church. I began searching here for places to go with the thought in the back of my mind that my home church I grew up in had a campus where I now live. I was reluctant. I wanted nothing to do with it, yet God softened my heart.
I returned to my home church where I now live. I returned to the preaching and teaching my mom receives each week. I returned to the place my dad said "this is home." I have never been happier to get the experience of growing up, leaving, and coming back home.
God knew exactly what He was doing when He sent me away from the church for a growing and building period. I thank the church I grew up in for humbly opening their arms to me and welcoming me back home.
With all my love,
Your Sister In Christ
