My heart is hurting. Have you read about the Texas teen who was tired of being bullied and shot herself in front of her family? I am heartbroken for this poor girl’s family, as well as for the hurt imposed onto this girl from others. How can this happen? Why are kids treating other kids so terribly?
Bullying isn’t a new word, but wasn’t used much when I was a kid. When I was a kid, you were mean to someone. You got into an argument and it ended. That was it. Today’s society is different. Kids have access to social media where they can openly bully and degrade others. One person posts a negative comment and another comments. The list grows and grows. This poor girl had obviously reached the end of her breaking point. Unfortunately, not only did she choose to end her life, but she did so in front of those who love her the most.
A few years ago one of my own sons went through an incident with a peer. My son had told us numerous times about another student being mean to him. We told him to avoid this boy, but to also make sure he stayed with a group if he was nervous. I’ll never forget when my son told me he didn’t want to go to school. This other boy had told my son he was going to “slit his throat” if he heard his voice again.
My husband and I went to the school with our son to report the incident. Once we left, I told my husband that even though this kid was most likely not going to act on his comment, I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want him to come to my door that evening and hear his apology. I told my husband he could handle it. Seeing how scared my son was broke my heart and I knew seeing this boy would upset me. Seeing me cry over this wasn’t something I wanted this boy to see.
That night when our doorbell rang, I stayed in the kitchen unseen and waited to hear how the conversation went. When my husband came in, he told me it wasn’t the kid, but instead a neighbor. Guess what? The doorbell never rang again that night. Or the next night, or the night after that.
Is this what’s wrong with our society? Do kids not understand the need to apologize? Do they not have to take ownership for their words? Do parents not understand the value of teaching the importance of apologizing? I knew in my mind that if one of my kids ever said anything remotely similar they would be on the doorstep of whomever they scared and apologizing not only to the peer, but to the parents as well.
My understanding was the girl from Texas had reported the bullying and messages to police, but they were untraceable. While this might be the case this time, what about the other times kids are mean and it’s swept under the rug with a “kids will be kids” comment. Kids are going to get into fights and say things that aren’t always nice. It’s part of growing up. They also however, have to be taught that apologizing is part of life. Apologizing isn’t always easy. It means admitting that you were wrong.
As an adult, I have found it easier to apologize than I did as a kid, even if I don’t think I did something wrong. It’s showing that a relationship is important to me and I take ownership for my actions. Likewise, I have always taught my own kids the importance of doing so. Too often there are adults who say unkind things and don’t apologize. They act as if as an adult, it isn’t necessary. This is an example they are setting. Actions speak volumes and children are always watching and learning. When a parent shows that apologizing isn’t important, it reinforces to their child and other children as well, that the behavior is acceptable. It represents an unacceptable arrogance that is not a quality I want to represent or what my children to represent.
I’m not saying that not understanding the importance of apologizing creates bullies, but what I am saying is if we as adults taught our children to own up to their actions and not make excuses, maybe bullying wouldn’t happen. Maybe this girl would still be alive. Maybe her family would be sharing a story of how their daughter was on the brink of a breaking point, but then someone knocked on their door and apologized. Let's all teach our children the importance of saying "I'm sorry."
