If I let everytime I have fallen short define my future, then I wouldn't be half the women I am today. I believe we all struggle at different points in life to build us up and to trust our future is not in our control. I honestly started from the bottom, I almost failed kindergarten because I had a learning disability. I had to get special help just to learn how to read and write. By the time I was in the second grade, I was told it was noticeable that I rushed through tests so I could be the first one done. This began the process of me being the slowest test taker ever, theoretically. Then something magical happened, we moved to Georgia. I suddenly began to compare with my friends how many 100s we made. There was no more struggling and I loved going to school.

School was never easy for me even once I was making straight A's. I was always the one who studied for hours and spent a lot of time working on assignments that people threw together. I was always the student whose parent would email for extra help and work. I spent a lot of mornings in different classrooms throughout my 13 years of schooling. The first time school started really "hitting" the fan again was sophomore year when I decided to take a AB block with two honors/AP classes. For the first time I could actually remember I was nearly failing two classes. By the end of the semester, I had brought my grades up and unfortunately made my first C in high school! Lots of tears shed and man I thought I was a failure back then. It was never the amount of work given, I thrived on busy work it was more of the testing I struggled with because I am still a horrible test taker. I second guess everything and usually my first answer is always right. Something that got me through that year is my dad's constant awkward hugs and the phrase, "suck it up you are not going to embarrass me." Yet, that's what I needed the reminder that this was not the end of the World and that I had so much life ahead of me. Junior year someone suggested dual enrollment and since I hadn't had much luck with AP classes I wanted to try something different. I thrived in this, my mom wanted me to still have the "high school" experience so I took one class at the high school and four at the college. I look back some of my favorite moments were during this time because I could flip my hair and be like yeah I am in High School. Okay well I was not that arrogant, but it was still an awesome opportunity. Finally, I graduated honor grad 49 out of 585 students and feeling I had been done for awhile because of dual enrollment.

I came to Valdosta knowing well enough that it was not going to be as easy as the college back home, but I felt like I had the whole college thing under control. I managed to keep my 3.9 GPA my first year at Valdosta. Then my program happened..... I knew everyone had always said it was the most challenging program in the state, but honor grad me was not prepared. Somewhere between the workload and balancing everything else falling apart in my life i couldn't handle it. I finished my first semester in the program with a huge drop in my GPA and I had failed my first class ever. I tried all semester long to recover my grades, but it's like when you dig a pit so deep it's hard to get out of. Luckily, I had kind of mentally prepared myself because I love crunching numbers, but nothing truly prepares you until you see that actual defeat. I was crushed and humiliated even though around 15 other girls had failed the class also, it wasn't good enough I knew I could do better.

Well needless to say this was the reality check I needed. My advisor had mentioned I needed to take a semester off or pick up a minor since I wouldn't graduate until 2019. Like most girls who struggled I considered changing my major, but this had been something I fell in love with my junior year of high school one failure was not going to define me. I found a way of still graduating on time just taking different classes and getting overridden into one. Sadly, I feel like my failure lingered into Spring Semester and yet again I was struggling to pass my classes. Luckily, I managed to pull out Cs and Bs in them, but for a once all A student I still kept beating myself up. Yayy I passed... but Cs were not good enough to get into grad school and I had told myself that a million times.

Fall semester was like a breathe of fresh air I finally in God's timing he had provided me with the position of an RA like I had always dreamed and I seemed to be getting the hang of my program. I began gaining my confidence back and realizing I needed to retake that class I failed. At the end of the day, I want to be great at my profession and just getting by was not good enough for me. In the beginning of the semester I realized somewhere I missed the memo that we were graduating and the importance of taking the GRE or MAT for Grad School applications. I guess in the back of my mind I had already convinced myself I wasn't good enough, even though I was overcoming my failure. So August 24th, I on a whim of worrying spent the $100 to take the MAT just to see where I was at and knowing I took the SAT 3 times I knew this was on the beginning. Well to my surprise the Lord blessed me or knew my desperation for a decent score. The next couple days I completed the summer grad program application hoping for the best since I heard it was less applicants and easier to get into.

Well on a horrible October afternoon I realized I was probably not graduating because a class I couldn't take in the fall due to already taking 6 classes was not offered in the Spring I had planned. This began a two month process of contacting almost everyone who had some authority at Valdosta trying to find other options. I began feeling clueless for not taking this class as every door kept closing. Then finally I found a loophole a class that was finally agreed to count for the one I needed after searching every school in the state of Georgia and I mean EVERY... ( well let's hope the paperwork goes through after grades are finalized in May *fingers crossed*) Seems easy right... Not quite, I still had to apply to this college and send my immunization forms. Then finally, when I went to register for the class it had pre-requisite error. No worries though as of Thursday at 2pm I am registered and on track to graduate!!

Do you comprehend how many times I could've given up? Especially after 3 days straight spent looking for this class at every school. I could've just said screw it I'll graduate in the fall for one class and probably never applied to grad school because I would be so done. Or let's go way back to when I started struggling in High School, if my family wouldn't have pushed me to keep going I would've probably quit my program the first week. This is only just a few of the obstacles I have had to indore in my lifetime, let alone the past semester.

I say all this nonsense to sum up that this struggling failure, or ultimately this fighter , just got accepted into Valdosta State University's Summer Grad Program. Which I convinced myself I wasn't going to or that it wasn't in God's plans anymore.

I know the roller coaster is not over. In sense a I realize it is just beginning, but if I can overcome all the other obstacles I say bring it on. Everything happens for a reason and I am blessed with this beautiful mess I live in. I may be fearful of the unknown and thinking I'm not going to finish, but I know through Christ all things are possible in timing. Just remember a million failures will not destroy you if see the sliver lining through all of it.