Lately, I have been so unreasonably angry at the world. Which is really out of sorts for me, because I'm usually a pretty optimistic person. And by unreasonably angry, I mean the things that should be making me happy, are making me boil with resentment. Everything good that I have going for me, I'm upset about.
That's when I realized, this isn't who I am. This is not how I respond to things. I don't get angry at the good things in life. Because I worked really hard for these things, and I prayed a lot to get where I am today. And every prayer I made, was answered.
So what reason do I have to be mad about? I should be bursting with excitement and thanks. I should be living every moment with gratitude and passion. But instead my attitude has turned into self-sabotage, and I'm on the verge of ruining every single good thing I have going, every blessing that God has given me.
It took a long hard hard look at what I was doing to realize that this is way out of my control. And I came to the conclusion that it's not me who is behind my anger, it's the devil.
And he is really really angry.
Angry that God has taken me through some tough trials, and we've made it out to the other side. He's angry that God is faithful and forgiving and gracious. He's angry that I am in the perfect position to tell the world about God's goodness.
Yet, while I should have been sharing God's goodness, I became selfish and kept it to myself. I enjoyed my blessings and didn't shout from the rooftops how amazing God is. I didn't cling to Him anymore, which put me in a very dangerous position.
I became vulnerable. And when that happens, we all know the devil kicks when we're down.
He snuck that anger into my heart when there should have been peace. And even as I'm writing this, I am still angry at myself for letting this happen. I'm angry because I should know better, and I should know to never think that I can slide through life without clinging to Jesus for dear life. Because without Him, I am weak and I am an easy target.
Out of everyone, God is the only one who has a reason to be angry at me, for being so foolish and selfish. He could have easily let me live in my anger and let the devil win.
But God said stop. Stop being angry. Stop blaming, stop trying to fix it yourself, stop relying on everyone but me. Because with Him, there is only peace. Peace, because our own personal battles are not something we can fight on our own. It's spiritual warfare, and that is something we aren't capable of handling on our own no matter how hard we try.
We won't win, but God has already won. He never stops fighting for us, even when we might have given up. When we've lost hope in ourselves, He perseveres and chases after our hearts. He fights through the pain and the hurt and the anger, no matter how long it takes. If it takes months or years to thaw our hearts to Him, He'll do it.
So let go. Surrender all of your battles. Recognize who you are, and who God made you to be. Recognize that the devil is fiercely after those who love the Lord. But have peace, because you are safe in His arms. No one and nothing can touch you.
Because God has already won the battle.