It's not enough to go to college anymore. You have to go to the best one. You can't just be a part of a club anymore. You have to be the president and create a revolutionary change. You have to solve a world crisis, be fluent in five languages, write a book, and donate an organ. Bonus points if you overcame a crazy challenge and started your own country a la Mark Zuckerberg.
Please though don't forget to get eight hours of sleep and have a healthy social life because your well being and social standing are important too. Plus, recruiters and colleges hate people who have no social skills. But for what is all this hard work? We spend our youth trying to get into college and college trying to get a good job and our jobs trying to get promoted. When do we get to reap the benefits of all the work we put in? Retirement?
"If today was your last day on earth, would you say that you lived your life to the fullest?" This is a line repeated in my head constantly. To be honest, I have no idea, and it scares me. I haven't spent my life trying to enjoy it. I have spent my life trying to be perfect in all aspects of my life because that's what society seems to expect. I have spent so much of my life trying to be perfect, it's exhausting. I feel like I am spending my years shooting for this unattainable goal of perfection. Society has drilled this idea of perfection so deeply into my head that it is so hard to diverge from that concept.
We as a society are hypocritical. We tell our youth to make mistakes and try to find themselves, but we punish those same kids for diverging from the "proper" path. There is no specific route to success, yet we try to form one. We label the kids who could not care less about school as the "bad kids." We don't realize that the kid who is horrible at math is a brilliant singer. We favor well-rounded students and children. The most successful kids are the ones who have a passion and are experts in one field. We know that there is a very small difference between success and failure. We know failure (often time and time again) is a crucial part of success, yet we scold people for making mistakes that are vital to their growth. As much as we understand this concept, we cannot completely get it through our heads; it has been drilled in too deep.
I am afraid to do poorly in school. I am afraid to diverge from the "perfect path:" do well in college, get very involved, land an incredible job, and "change the world." For someone who is still very young and has so much life still to live, I feel like I am behind and running out of time. We see the star kids as people for whom to strive. Nobody ever encourages happiness though.
If I took a survey about what should be the most important priorities in a person's life, I would likely get a combination of school, career, clubs, etc. I, however, would not get the answer of happiness, mental health, family, or learning. We are so focused on achieving perfection that we are so afraid to make a mistake. I certainly am. I've seen what happens to people who do. Struggle with a class, tank your GPA. Dare to forget to do your homework, and suddenly, you're a "bad kid" who isn't going anywhere. Try and fail at a career; well you were not as prepared as your "perfect" peers.
It's sad because since people are so encouraged to be so perfect, they wait until they get news that they are dying to start living their lives. Most people when they are on their death beds don't say, "Darn, you know I wish I joined that club because it really would have furthered my career." They say, "I wish I had more time with my friends and family. I wish I had more moments of pure joy and happiness." However, we encourage perfection, not this happiness, which is apparently, the most important part of life.
It is encouraged to always have a plan. Never travel away from the safe path. We are encouraged to find our passions but are looked down upon when we are not even given ample time to do so. How can a high school student decide what they want to do with the rest of their life? But, as logical as it may seem, we yell at that student and tell them they are on the road to failure and have to get on track.
"Make mistakes, but be perfect." This is the advice I have gleaned from most of my life. It is so hypocritical, but it seems to be at the root of all advice given. I am wound so tight trying to live up to these impossible expectations that, for a while, I lost my love for learning and trying new things. Most college students feel the same way. Nothing we ever do will be good enough. You get an internship. Well, Sally got a better one. Everyone is told to highlight how special they are, but news flash, that means no one is special by definition.
When I have told people that I don't know what I want to do with my life, people admonish me for it. But when I started telling people about a specific career, suddenly I'm the golden child. But I'm just making it up as I'm going along just as much as the next person. But, we look down upon such uncertainty. The irony is that we have no idea what the future holds, but we are expected to have a five-pronged plan. A general plan is good, but know that if I give you a detailed 10-year plan that I'm really just making it up. I don't know where I'll be then. To be honest, it's a toss-up if I'll get up in time to get breakfast with my friends tomorrow. So how on earth can I tell you that in 10 years, I'll be living in Georgia with a four-bedroom house working as a financial adviser? I have no idea, and neither do you. So stop trying so hard to determine it.
I am not saying to dream small. I'm also not saying to throw away your plan. It is great if you know what you want to do with the rest of your life; more power to you. What I am saying is please stop putting so much pressure on yourself, and stop telling people they aren't good enough because they are still trying to figure themselves out. It's good to have a general idea of what you may want in the future, but if you suddenly realize you might want to start your own company or be an accountant, that's okay too.
It's scary to venture off the trail, but that's where the fun begins. So as of this moment, I am giving up trying to be perfect. I don't want to wait until retirement to start enjoying my life because I'm currently so focused on the unattainable goal of being perfect.
Life is about making it up as you go along, and if you find some great people along the way, then you've done it right. Live for today, but plan for tomorrow. Work towards a future, but don't forget about the present. That, in and of itself, is a life well lived.
