Some of the most important lessons you learn in college aren't in the classroom, they're in the dorms. It makes sense though, because everyone is thrown into an unfamiliar situation together, without any parents for possibly the first time in their lives. Each student is trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in and, unfortunately, that can lead to disagreements. Here are some of the most important lessons I've learned over the years.
You won't be friends with everyone
It's okay if some friendships don't work out.
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Everybody likes having more friends but sometimes things just don't work out. Don't beat yourself up over these failed friendships, and don't get the RA involved because those people don't want to hang out with you. Remember this is college, not kindergarten, you don't have to invite everyone to your birthday party anymore. We're supposed to be adults.
Only Child Syndrome is a real thing
Sometimes people need to grow up.
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Many students have experience growing up with siblings, some even have shared rooms for most of their lives, but for the only children, this is new territory for them. You might not notice it at first but some of them can just disappear as soon as the conversation isn't about them anymore, they may even put earbuds in while you're trying to talk to them! Basically, they're obsessed with attention, and it's perfectly okay to step away from the friendship if it's not working out.
Gatekeepers exist in college too
Don't let people hold you back from enjoying things!
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From claiming that you can't have another friend group, to making passive aggressive comments that you shouldn't be going to mass because you don't go every week, there are literally hundreds of ways other students can try to limit your college experiences. It may seem scary to stand up to them at first because these people could also be your friends but trust me it's better to tell them to mind their own business and do what you want to do. Life is too short to listen to gatekeepers!
Communication is key
A little communication goes a long way.
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Communication is literally what makes or breaks friendships. If you don't tell your friends what's going on and just expect them to know, well I got news for you. Your friends aren't psychic. If you have an issue with them, tell them! If they're real friends they'll listen to you and hopefully work to solve the problem but sitting alone in your room crying about it at 5 a.m. isn't going to solve anything.
Clean up after yourself
If you make your living room look like this, please clean it up.
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This is something all college kids should know but don't. If you decide to camp out in the living room every day, clean up your mess when you leave. It's not your roommate's jobs to empty all three of your trashcans simply because you're too lazy to do it yourself. Half the time your trash room is right down the hall, so make your mom proud and take out the trash yourself.
Don't invite yourself to things
Don't assume you're invited, ask first!
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This is just rude and if you do this, stop it. If you move in halfway through the semester and some of your new roomies have dinner with their friends once a week, ask if you could join. Don't just roll up with a plate expecting free food that you didn't help cook. Same goes for carpools. It's just rude to assume the person driving is willing to go an hour out of their way to pick you up when you've maybe said five words to each other in your life. If you wanna be included just ask, don't assume!
Your friends aren't your therapists
Your friend isn't your therapist. Don't treat them like one.
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Sure listening to your friend's problems is part of being a good friend, but then there's that one person who only talks to you when their life is falling apart. If you only talk to this friend to complain about how hard your life is, it's no wonder your friend might start wanting to avoid you. Friendship is supposed to go two ways, so listen to your friend's issues and see if you could help them. I promise you'll see an improvement if you start listening.
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