One of my greatest fears is the people in my life leaving me. Every time it happens, I struggle with moving on and trying to focus on forming new relationships. It has always been hard for me to grasp no longer being friends with someone. If they wanted to be in my life, would they not want to stay in my life? Over the years, however, I have come to terms with the fact that no longer being friends with someone is not always a bad thing or something you can control.
Sometimes it just happens naturally and if you have the effort to keep the relationship going but it still does not work, it is not my fault and it just happens. Here are five lessons I have learned from losing people.
1. Know your worth
I once had a best friend in high school who I was inseparable with. We told each other everything and supported one another. Even after they moved to another state we remained close and I even went to visit them on two occasions. However, our conversations started to become less frequent and this friend started to change. I tried hard to constantly text them and stay in contact but I stopped receiving the same effort. Once in a while, they would send a long apology message and said they would try to be better at contacting me but once I forgave them, the same thing happened again.
It took me a long time before I realized I needed to stop forgiving them and allowing them an opportunity to hurt me. If someone is not putting the same amount of effort into a relationship as you are, do not waste your time waiting around for them. People who want to be around you and spend time with you will make the effort.
2. Sometimes it is out of your control
It can be hard, but you need to accept that it is out of your control. Things happen, people get busy or they change. Although you do not want to come to terms with it, it is not within your control and there was likely nothing you could have done to control it. People grow apart over time, it is natural. Sometimes, even when people are trying to make the effort, other responsibilities come up. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to remain and that is OK.
3. Be grateful for the memories
While it is sad that this person is no longer a part of your life, be grateful for the great memories you did have at one point. The person still contributed to your life at some point and that will never change. The past is the past; while you may not be friends anymore, the good memories can never be taken away. So, cherish and hold onto them.
4. Be excited about the future
It sucks that a friendship is over but it just means there's room for a new one to begin. Maybe you'll meet someone who is meant to stay in your life. There are seven billion in the world, you definitely have not met everyone. Embrace any new relationships that come your way and be open to the idea that it can turn into a meaningful relationship.
5. Don't harbor hate
The worst thing you could do is hate or resent the person because of the end of the relationship. If you are focusing on hating the person, you are not moving on. Harboring resentment just limits your growth. Accepting the relationship ended allows you to begin to move on and find your happiness somewhere else. Everyone deserves happiness, don't rob yourself of that.