As a child I adored you. I would stand in front of the mirror for hours staring, smiling, and kissing you. I loved watching how the warm sun hit your hair, then your eyes and finally your skin. My fingers started on your smooth bony hips and would make it’s way up to your flawless face. Stretching and pulling at it, I wanted to see how weird your face would get before I started to giggle and squeal.
As I grew older all I wanted to do was to avoid you. My kind smiles and sloppy kisses turn into disappointed stares. I started to hate the way the mirror reflected you and how it shamelessly revealed all your imperfections. Society would only accept thigh gaps, flat stomachs, and perfect skin and I craved for all of it. I gravitated towards the magazines, lotions, and the creams. I felt powerless because I couldn’t control you when your body grew and changed so rapidly.
Nothing was working and I only made it worse. You become my construction project. I had the power to control your change and wreck your flaws. I demolished your face and build it back with creams and lotions full of chemicals. I slashed sections of your split hair and refurbished it with oily and sticky products. All I wanted to do was to improve you. Now, there are only seconds where I stand in front of the mirror pointing out a million flaws. In the morning when I see you all I can do is criticizes the way that shirt looks on you or how your skin is not blemish free. I hate the way those jeans curve around your imperfect hips.
But still, I always find the silver lining that kindles in the reflection. I am amazed by how you still function under my scrutiny every day. How you make my nerves send signals to my brains in less than a second. I find it fascinating how you can grow up on your very own, or how you can learn to remember the big to little things in my life. I cannot even grasp the idea of reproducing another human in the body I’ve already damaged.
When I locked my eyes with you I couldn’t stop my words from spilling out: “I’ve hurt you, I’ve ruined you. I tried to change you and I shouldn’t have. I want to apologize for all the times I’ve focused on your flaws instead of your strength.”
At that moment, I couldn’t understand when it was acceptable to let myself think of you as any less than beautiful. The older I grew with you, I only learn to hate the way you look rather than to cherish and love what you have given me. I’ve realized that you and I are one. That I can not blame you when things don’t go my way or when I cannot be satisfied. I’ve put you through hardships and battles that will leave unerasable scars and wounds. But at the end day, you always will make me proud because of the things we both have accomplished together. As I leave, we smile at each other.
“We are so gorgeous,” the reflection shouted.
