I Made A Promise To Myself To Give Up Unhealthy Stress

I Made A Promise To Myself To Give Up Unhealthy Stress

I'm going to try to do my best to take care of myself and prioritize my mental health so I can be my best self for other people.

296
views

I just started teaching for a new school year. I'm thankful for a fresh perspective and renewed energy after a great summer break. Summer just went by too quickly, as usual. This year I decided that I was going to put time and effort into teaching and grading, but that I also wasn't going to get caught up in small details and dwell on things that could discourage me. I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to focus on sources of unhealthy stress. I'm trying to find the balance every day between caring and putting forth my best self and effort while also taking care of myself.

We live in a culture that places a ton of emphasis on work. Work is definitely not everything. There' so much more to life than work. The work we do is important, especially when it serves our communities or makes other people's lives better.

I think this life is too short to get caught up in worrying about things that you can't control or feeling guilty.

I'm going to strive to do my best work like giving constructive feedback to my students and demonstrating that I want them to have the best education that they can get. I also am going to be forgiving of myself and be flexible and adaptable in and outside of the classroom. So often I want to control the outcome of my plans and efforts, but I can't always do that. I'm going to try not to feel guilty if I don't accomplish everything on my to-do list every single day or if e-mail a student back within ten minutes. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect in everything I do, and it's just not possible.

I'm going to look at each day as a learning opportunity and do the best I can with the tools I have and the emotional and mental state I'm in. My goal is to make progress every day in becoming a better friend, instructor, actress, writer, and person. My twenties have shown me that progress is continuous, there's always something to learn, and not all goals are met overnight.

So far, intentionally having a different outlook has been beneficial. I'm enjoying the little moments in life surrounded by friends and just being with people I love. in the grand scheme of eternity, what matters is how we treat each other. There is so much more to life than work that we do.

I'm going to try to do my best to take care of myself and prioritize my mental health so I can be my best self for other people. I hope you can do the same. I think if we're all kinder to ourselves, perhaps we'll be a little kinder to each other.

Popular Right Now

To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
1622957
views

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The 6 Best Stores To Shop In When You're Just A Little Bit Tipsy

It's like drunk online shopping, but like, irl

8
views

If your hometown is anything like mine there are chain restaurants surrounding your mall. From Olive Garden to Applebee's, Red Robin to On The Border, the chain restaurants do not end.

These glorified fast food spots are the best for a quick bite to eat, but offer something McDonald's can't: alcohol. I typically meet a friend at one of these restaurants before we set out on a shopping endeavor and end up getting a glass (or 2) of wine or a marg. By the time we leave and start shopping, I have a little buzz going which I found on a Saturday afternoon makes shopping that much more fun.

I had my first taste of tipsy shopping in Las Vegas where you can drink on the strip and most places let you bring your drink in and it was AMAZING. Ready to give this a try? Here are the places you should make sure you shop at when you're just a little bit tipsy:

1. Target

I mean, duh! The holy grail. Try on that dress girl! Buy those shoes! Get lost in the home decor! The activities in Target are ENDLESS and makes your Target run more exciting.

2. World Market

World Market on Instagram: “Light-infused and filled with florals, our NEW Natural Blooms collection has furniture, decor, accessories and more for lovers of natural…”

World Market has beautiful home furnishings and interesting food to explore. You will wander through the aisles wishing you could afford to furnish your college house rental with these pieces. The design inspiration you leave World Market with will have you dreaming about it for days.

3. Sephora

When you're just a little bit tipsy, you're more confident. Try that bold lip out! Buy that palette you've been dreaming of!

4. Marshalls or T.J. Maxx

These bargain stores will be thanking your wallet as you leave, let's be honest, one stop here when you're tipsy and you have the desire to update your wardrobe.

5. Homegoods

After you've updated your wardrobe and you're still dreaming of all the furniture at World Market, stop by Homegoods. You can actually afford the home decor here.

6. Costco

Everyone's favorite warehouse, it's not just another grocery store - it's so much more. You will get lost in the maze of aisles and you know what? That's ok. Also, the "food court" has amazing food that is extremely affordable. If you don't have a Costco membership I feel bad for you BUT you can still access the food court without a membership - eat your heart out.

One place you should not go is a grocery store, I went to Meijer and I was MISERABLE.

Related Content

Facebook Comments