What does it feel like to leave a piece of your heart after only a few weeks?

Most people will say that short term mission trips don't do anything for those on the ground and it doesn’t do anything other than make us feel better as people for doing our good deed for the year. And you know what? In some ways those people would be right.

(Wow, you didn’t see that coming did you?)

Well it’s true, for the most part the Americans come back being so thankful for all they have and are patted on the back for spending a week with the less fortunate in a third world country. They go back to life as it was before and after a week or so they stop thinking about the “unfortunate” people they met before. It is all saved in pictures that will be brought out when people ask what they did this summer.

I am here to tell you that that is not always a bad thing. It is human nature for things to go back to normal and to be thankful for what we have.

But what happens when you can’t forget about what you experienced? What happens when you go there and you realize that these people have crept into your life and have taken up residence in your heart and mind and that they will be with you every day for the rest of your life?

That is what happens to the other part of people who go on missions trips, short or long. God ignites something in their souls that makes them realize these people are family and that when you truly love people, you will advocate for them when you are back in the states. You will cry when you have to throw out food because your friends and family on the other side of the world would never throw it out because when they get food, they cling to it.

This group of people does not feel thankful for all they have and feel like better people when they return, they are haunted by those they saw and have to do something to change it. They are taught community and lessons by the people in the third world country. They realize the value of the people they met and realize they can be world changers and have dreams just like the rest of us.

They get to know them as people, just like us, instead of projects.

This is when you learn the heart of God.

God looks at his people and his heart breaks and rejoices over all of His children. Not just the top 5 percent of the world.

He weeps and mourns over the people who do not have food to eat for the night and then he gives those who have food and clean water a heart for those who do not. He asks us to advocate for those who have not and tell their stories every day. He asks us to share the love we have to give with the children who have no parents. He breaks our hearts for what breaks His.

I returned from my second trip to Kenya thinking that God had not done all “I” had wanted him to do in my life on the trip, and as I reflected on that I realized that this trip was never about me. From the moment I got off the plane, I went into “work horse” mode and worked to love and care for those who needed it as best as I could during my limited time there.

I got to love on children who are so happy just holding hands, even when there is not enough to go around.

I cleaned water filters, helped hand them out, and took pictures of beautiful people receiving them. While that may not sound like a big deal, many of the locals have never seen pictures of themselves, so I was able to take them and then show them what they look like and encourage them that they are so beautiful and handsome.

I was able to preach spontaneously and lead worship without a stitch of music and hear how God created our voices to blend, and in that moment I saw heaven come down to earth and felt peace flood the room of 150 ministry leaders in Nairobi.

I was able to sit and hold the hands of babies that do not know the love of a mother and father, or if they did it was taken from them. For those few moments, I prayed over every baby I held and loved them as best as I could.

I was able to have my heart broken because I love some of them so much that I pray for them as if they were my own children even at a young age of 23. I was able to bond with a team of my family that are like-minded and want to be able to love fiercely and advocate as soon as we get back to the states to create change. We cannot do everything, but we all can do something.

I was able to hand out food from the non-profit I work at and see people who had not eaten for a while notice that they will not only have clean water to drink tonight but full bellies.

I was able to create change for one person at a time, but in all of this I was changed again. God was working on me, even though I could not always hear Him. He was making me more like Him.

The Jesus I know would not be content to sit around on Facebook arguing about politics and watching Netflix, he would be down on the ground with the drug addict and walking the slums to share the Good News. He would be fighting human trafficking and changing the orphan child’s diaper. He would be singing under the stars with glow sticks with a group of orphans and he would look at them all and know that they can grow up to be anything they want to, but that he would have to advocate on their behalf. He would create a home for the child bride who was abused, and he would hug her close, and would cry and say that he can’t change what happened but from now on she is safe.

He would get in the dirt with them and help them rise.

So in a way, my two weeks was filled with being Jesus even though it was not like I expected. When God said this trip would be a tipping point for me, I thought it would be something dramatic like Him calling me to be a full time missionary or something. Instead it was Him letting me hold his hand as I held the hand of a little girl who has HIV but also who I have pictures of all over my house.

I thought it would be him telling me why I was created, but instead it was him showing me that no matter what I do as a career in life, my biggest success will always be the ability to love someone regardless of their class in society.

I thought it would be something dramatic, but instead it was the voice of God at the end of each exhausting day whispering “I am your strength to do this again tomorrow, and you will meet so many people who I love just as much as I love you, so love them fiercely.”

Short-term missions are not the same for everyone, and they are not always what people need. Not everyone can go on the world race or move to another country, but everyone can love people around him or her in this country or another. While my short-term experiences have been earth shattering for me, for others they were just nice trips. That is totally okay. We all learn something from our experiences in life.

For me though, I left another part of my heart in Kenya, and I do not want it back. Instead I want to keep fighting for those without a voice while I live in a country that has so much to offer, but I also want to take what I learned on my short trip and apply it here and love those around me that God loves just as much as he loves me and those I met in Africa. I want to keep advocating for the orphan and widow while I walk out my life where God has planted me.

I do not want to ever be content with a child starving to death while I throw out my food. May I always walk in a grocery store and well up with tears because we do not know how easy we have it.

May I always serve locally and globally, because we are called to be more that selfish. We are called to serve, love, and be Jesus with skin on.