When we think about a person who's toxic, we tend to think about people we don't like, or those who we don't get along with. It's easy for us to relate negativity to people we already view as negative, but what happens when a toxic person turns out to be someone you really care about?
My mom has always had an intuition for people. She's warned me about every friend who's eventually going to turn their back on me or hurt me, and she is very good at reading people. When I introduce her to my friends, she knows right away if they're the type of person I should surround myself with. Even then, I don't listen. My mom has proved time again that she knows what's best but my pride tells me to make my own mistakes, and boy, is that a bad idea, and let me tell you why.
I started college with a few friends. Some that I just met, and others who I was reconnecting with after years. I had one friend in particular who I considered my closest friend. We didn't hit it off right away though. It was the type of friendship that spawned simply because we were around each other most of the time, but eventually, we became really good friends. So good that we would talk everyday, at all times, whether through text or in person. I told this person about my secrets and they told me theirs, yet, there was always something super shady about her that I never questioned because she was my friend. Mistake number one.
From the start, my mom, and even my best friend, would tell me that they thought something was off about my new friend. Yeah, my friend had what I like to call R.B.F., or resting bitch face, but hey, so do I. And yeah, she could be a little rude...okay, she could be very rude, but she was my friend and I ignored it. Like everyone loves to say, nobody's perfect.
It wasn't until midway into last year that I realized just how toxic my friend really was. In September of last year, I was diagnosed with depression, and as you can imagine, it wasn't an easy thing to deal with. My friend said she was there for me and listened to me when I needed help and I appreciated her for that. But it wasn't until a little later that I started seeing how manipulative she was being. She knew that my emotions were sensitive and she used it to her advantage. She'd play the victim and have me feeling bad and apologizing to her over and over again, even though she was the one who was in the wrong. I found it draining to be around her and I felt myself sinking lower and lower into the hole I was already in.
I tried breaking my friendship with her multiple times but she always found a way to reel me back in. It wasn't until this year that I said enough was enough. I was trying to better myself and compared to the way I felt last year, I was doing amazing, yet, I couldn't celebrate how far I got because she always dragged me down. She'd make it seem like I didn't accomplish anything, or made me feel bad by telling me how bad she had it.
I finally summed up the courage to tell her that our friendship had to end and what did she do? She laughed at me. I was upset, understandably, but after awhile, I realized just how much better I felt without her as my friend.
It sounds mean, I know, and sometimes I feel like maybe I was being too harsh. But when you're in a toxic friendship or even relationship, it's hard to admit that the person you care about may not be good for you at all. It took me a long time to realize that someone was hurting me and I know I could've avoided a lot of hurt if I had taken someone's advice.
If you ever feel like someone isn't treating you like you're supposed to be treated, leave. Know your worth and understand that no matter how much you care about someone, or how much you may love them, they may not be the best person for you.
