“One, Two, Three, Four...” I count the seconds until the wheels of the plane leave the ground, and after that moment, there is no going back. I’m leaving, once again.
Leaving has taught me many things; firstly, that that pit in the stomach is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a good to take fear and challenge it by leaving the familiar for the unknown. But the hard part is you always know what you are leaving, but you never know what you are coming back to. All the experiences of that time and place will cease to exist but in memories. And inside we know that even when, or if we go back, things will not be the same.
Leaving has taught me that people grow and change in small amounts of time, myself included. Leaving shows me my growth, and the very act of leaving a familiar place makes me wrestle with myself, face my weaknesses and demons. Part of leaving requires you be brave enough to face a blank slate. To leave behind the things known or assumed, and say, “This is me, this is who I am,” then let the new place accept you for being unapologetically you. Then, once again, when you leave, you return to the familiar and keep with you the progress you made while gone. Leaving brings growth and self-assurance, a cementing of personality with new experiences, opinions and people as add-ons.
“Five, Six, Seven, Eight…” I count the tears rolling down my cheeks into my lap, and I turn, looking back at people with tears also staining their cheeks, and wave one last time. Part of leaving is heartbreak, too—leaving the people with whom you connected, the ones who filled your blank slate with memories, the ones who made you feel welcome. This is the flip side of the pain of leaving, and the part that makes people stay in one place and never leave. This is the part where I've learned the growth happens. When you are sad to leave, you learn through the pain to become more yourself. The reflections I had as the plane’s wheels left the ground made me more sure of who I am, who I want to be, and the people and the experiences I want to be a part of.
However, I find that the best part of leaving is that you can always do it again, or better yet, come back. There are infinite amounts of places to leave, people to meet. There are endless connections to make, thousands of discussions to be had, and millions of tiny moments to be shared, each one a gem that will change you in some way. Because leaving has taught me more that I ever could have learned by staying put, I’ll continue to be my mother’s wanderlust child, one who is perfecting the art of leaving and learning, and who lives first-hand the irony that in order to reflect on what I learned by leaving, I will always come back.
