Ever since freshman year of high school, I found myself not only unhappy with my appearance but my life too. The past four years have been a process and the upcoming ones will still be, but I have come so much farther to loving myself for all that I am. You may ask how I went from completely unsatisfied to learning to love who I am, and while it wasn't easy, there are some of the ways that helped me be happier with myself.
The first thing I did was surround myself with people who loved me while I was feeling down. Whenever I was upset with things that were out of control I started to grasp anything I could control, including the environment I put myself in. I realized hanging out with people who had no goals or ambitions was not what I wanted for my future. Surrounding myself with people who not only had optimistic values but lifted my spirits lead me to start to thinking in a positive way.
Next, I let go of anything that was toxic, including friends and family. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Letting go of people who I once held close and were related to me hurt more than I can ever put into words. But having those negative people who judged me for my beliefs or for who I truly was proved to me that they were not worthy of my time and thought. I spent so much time focusing on how to perfect for everyone else instead of focusing on how to be perfect for me.
The moment I let go of the toxicity and never looked back was the moment I began to see myself in a better light, even if it took a long time. From time to time it still hurts, just because they weren't necessarily good to me doesn't mean I don't miss them. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, I am better off without them dragging me down.
Finding something I loved, not someone, gave me an escape from the world. Personally, I found theatre and writing to be therapeutic and reliving. For some, it's reading, dancing, or even playing video games. Even though it will never cure the pain it does help soothe it. Having a healthy outlet when I was upset or happy let me calm my mind, soul, and body down. I found myself being more confident in my abilities rather than beating myself up for not being good enough.
Then I changed my diet in all areas of growth: physical, mental, and emotional. I started off small, a walk or some sit-ups to drinking tea or listening to some calming music. Slowly I began to see small improvements in my mood. Instead of being angry or sad I found myself in a happier state of mind. Every day is not perfect and sometimes I can't control my emotions due to the world around me. But I learned to go with the flow and take care of myself while doing so.
And then I started to hype myself up. It sounds kind of self-absorbed but it's not what you think. For instance, when I thought I looked good, I would start to act like I was a Victoria Secret Model. It sounds silly but I started believing myself and my confidence (not cockiness) grew. Or when I wrote a really good piece of writing I would share with others and be proud of myself.
You can either be your worst enemy or biggest supporter, and the moment I chose to be my biggest supporter I started being happy with myself. Now I have more faith in myself in every aspect than I ever did.
Lastly, I changed who I was. I grew up in a different life full of different expectations, as do many people. Stepping away and starting over from that lifestyle is very difficult and takes strength. But as soon as I realized who I wanted to be I began to accept myself for all that I was and turn around my life. I started doing things I would have never in the past such as get a tattoo or becoming friends with new people. It was eye opening and as time went on I started to get a clearer picture of who I wanted to be, even if it wasn't who I thought I would be.
Once I had that reality check and changed myself despite how scary it was, I was me. Even though I never knew that this version of myself was the right one I know how it is.
Loving yourself is not easy and never will be. It takes patience and someone who truly wants to find the good in who they are. But once you take the initiative and see yourself in a new light, you will find a love for yourself. At least I did and I believe everyone else can, too.
