Do you know that feeling, where you constantly don't feel like you're good enough? The one where you focus on all of your negative attributes or don't see what other people see in you? You don't seem to understand why people like you so much and you underestimate yourself completely. You feel like this giant loser who doesn't deserve to feel happy or confident, and ultimately, you feel as though you are a phony liar who is fooling everybody. But the reality is that you're not fooling anyone but yourself, because at the root of it, you are a beautiful person.

The sad thing is that you can't see it.

I've struggled with this issue all my life. I'm not purposely trying to pity myself or see the bad—I honestly don't see what people see in me, and it breaks my heart. I don't want to be conceited, but I want to be aware of my accomplishments and traits. I didn't realize that there was an actual name for this, until the other day, and that is called imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome can be defined as "a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence."

I don't see what people see in me.

Everyone always tells me how wonderful of a person I am. And guess what? I don't see any of it most of the time. It's really sad looking in the mirror and not seeing what other people do -- but I guess that's just side effects of having depression. The rational side of me knows that I'm great. But the side of me that is in constant control says I am this insignificant person. When people say that I am beautiful, smart, talented, unique or funny, I just have a hard time believing them. It just doesn't exist.

I'm very modest.

I'm trying to find the good balance of being modest, but not too modest. I need to accept that I am this incredible and talented person, but being modest is my specialty. I grew up not really knowing anything else. I'm afraid that if I am not modest enough, then people will think I'm a terrible person.

I feel like a fraud.

I feel phony, I feel like a liar and I feel like I'm pretending to be something that I'm not just to fool the people around me. Are these really the thoughts that I am having? Did I really just say that? It comes to a point where I wonder if I'm even fooling myself. The fact that I feel like a fraud, is because everyone tells me how great I am -- when I constantly tell myself that I am a loser. What are these great things that they are seeing from me? Am I fooling them? That makes me feel like I'm this evil person hiding lies, when in reality, I really am a good person who is genuinely living their life. However, that's not how I live.

I avoid confidence in my abilities.

"You're such an incredible singer,"
"I'm not that good, actually."
"Your writing is incredible. You are so talented."
"Eh, I'm OK I guess."
"You're a very down to earth and loving person."
"Thanks." (Tells self that I'm not.)

Much like being modest, avoiding confidence in my abilities that I am strong in, such as writing, is something that I good at. I figure that if I avoid the things that I am good at, or that I am passionate about, then I will draw less attention to myself because I don't want to "lie" to people about who I am. But the thing is, I only think that because I don't think I'm actually a talented person. Sad, I know.

I feel like a loser.

At the end of the day, I wonder this:

"Why are people even friends with me? I don't go out, I don't party. I'm not fun, I'm boring and stay in and watch Netflix all the time, or the things I like, nobody else seems to like. I'm not wild or exciting. I'm just me. There is something wrong with me. I hate myself."

I straight up feel like a loser, and all of these things get to me to the point of hopelessness.

All in all, I don't want to live life feeling like an imposter, unaware of how great, beautiful and strong I am. I deserve that much.