You cannot expect what you do not desire, and you cannot desire what you do not expect. Let this first resonate before moving on. Take it home, chew on it a little...
I read these words once and have done my best since then not to go a day without reminding myself of them. Expect what I desire, expect what I desire! The concept is simple, the implementation - much more difficult. I understood it well enough, but it was not until now as I read, "Life Unlocked" by Dr. Srini Pillay that the full impact of these words sets in. Dr. Pillay's book provides a factual foundation through science as to the repercussions of desiring the unexpected or expecting the undesirable.
When you expect something to happen, but do not desire it, you are unintentionally drawing towards you exactly what you do not want. When you desire something, but do not expect it to happen, you not only waste valuable thought energy, but you are sending conflicting messages to the brain, which is responsible for our action output.
Dr. Pillay references what are called intent centers in the brain. These are areas of the brain that induce action based upon the material provided, which come in the form of our thoughts.
Why, if we cannot
immediately decipher a path to success, do we hesitate to attempt at all?
Imagine trying to
drive through heavy fog. You are usually able to maintain control of the car
and, in general, head in the right direction. However, you can't see much past
what is right in front of you; because of this, you may not realize what lies
ahead. You may not see a potentially harmful obstruction in the road. You also
may not discover the short cut to avoid a big traffic jam. The fog is so dense
that you are essentially traveling several hundred feet at a time, content to
discover whatever awaits you once it’s right on top of you.
When you desire but do not expect, you create confusion in the brain. These conflicting signals you are sending the brain result in a sort of mental fog. You are unable to see what lies ahead, and therefore unable to effectively plan out the most ideal route. This often leaves you stuck, wondering what could be, but powerless in its pursuit.
Why is it that we so often confuse difficult with impossible?
Some people have decided that they simply cannot get what they want, but they go through the motions of doing it anyways. This is one of the most destructive approaches to living. It is aimed at alleviating the guilt of not trying without actually having any intent to succeed.
When the action centers in the brain begin to fire in this case, they are unsure whether to appease your desire to change, or succumb to your feelings that change is impossible.
As Dr. Pillay puts it, we need to train our brains to work with possibility, not impossibility. We need change the perspective of, "this is impossible," and replace it with something like, "ok, this will be difficult, but doable." It really is as simple as the way in which you phrase your thoughts. You need to make sure the dominating theme of your thoughts is rooted in optimism, abundance, success, and possibility.
Why do so many of us feel as if we know what we ought to do, but day after day find ourselves unable to do it?
In college I once participated in a 'polar plunge'. For those of you who have never heard of this, it's a way to raise money for a cause in which possibly-inebriated-but-well-intentioned college students collect pledges to donate before braving the frigid winter waters of the Red Cedar River, or a cold water source of your choice. I remember seeing the reactions of others before me as they hit the icy water. The anticipation of the cold was almost enough to deter me from jumping in at all! Alas, I made the plunge myself, only to discover that the water was not nearly as cold as I had foreseen in my mind. My imagination of it was much more severe than reality.
When it comes to pursuing the things we desire most, this self-same principle applies. The anticipation of failure or of what others might think is often enough to deter us from trying at all. We don't realize that the vast majority of times we imagine consequences that are much more severe than reality.
The reality is this: fear can be used as a headwind or a tailwind. You can allow fear to subdue your progress and force you backwards, or you can be propelled forward into a different, improved version of yourself.
This fear is what causes our desires and expectations to fall out of sync. This fear is what causes a mental fog to build up in our brains, subconsciously discouraging us from trying at all. Luckily, we can all learn to overcome this fear. We can learn to cut through the fog in order to implement a strategy for success, and employ it with our whole being.
Once we do this, what once seemed impossible, now only seems difficult, but doable. Once we do this, we know what we need to do, and we're finally able to do it.
Thank you for reading!
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