Sometimes I wish that I could live as a kitten for just one day. Kittens are filled with more excitement about the most lackluster things than any other being. Kittens see a piece of lint on the ground and almost pee their non-existent pants because they suddenly have a new toy that they can play with for a total of 40 seconds. Anyway, my family just got a new kitten, so I thought now would be the perfect opportunity to attempt to live out my kitten fantasy and see the world through Percy's eyes.
1. "The humans have fun little bumps at the end of their feet that are very fun to chew on"
I like chewing on them when they try to sleep, but sometimes they put pieces of cloth around them to protect from my fangs. This is extremely frustrating and getting cloth out of my mouth is a tedious task.
2. "There is a big white thing that looks a lot like me"
I try to play with him, but he seems altogether disinterested and will sometimes hiss at me to express his annoyance. I know that he is just playing hard to get though, and that only makes me want to play more.
3. "There are places that I cannot yet reach with my tiny kitten legs"
But if I manage to latch onto something with my tiny kitten claws, I can pull myself up "American Ninja Warrior" style. Someday, I will land where I desire. It's good to have goals.
4. "I am ALWAYS hungry"
The moment that my dish is re-filled with those dehydrated chicken pebbles, I eat until I fall on the ground and am unable to move for several hours.
5. "There is a big black thing that does not look anything like me except that she also walks on four legs"
She makes a very odd noise and always sounds angry. She has absolutely no interest in playing with me, but I know that I can melt her cold, icy heart with my adorable little kitten face.
6. "I have two speeds: 100 and 0 miles per hour"
I will play with everything in my path for as long as kittenly possible, and then I crash. This provides entertainment for the humans, and I think they are very impressed with my playing skill set that includes chasing shadows and batting feathers.
7. "There are so many mice that just lie around the humans’ house"
It honestly surprises me that the humans are too lazy to even set up traps, but I know that they trust their valiant kitten to get the job done. The mice are very interesting though. They do not move when I pounce, their skin is more plastic than fur, and their tails are a sort of sparkly color. Further research is required to discover what species of mouse these are. My work never ends.
8. "The humans do not like it when I try to eat their food"
They get very frustrated and try to move me off of them, but my determination in unwavering. Also, there is a delicious dairy product that they will sometimes eat at night that comes in all sorts of different flavors. I once watched the young human female eat an entire pint of it in 30 minutes. I would have clapped my paws if I could. If you have yet to try it, trust me, it's out of this world.
