One of the hardest things for me while growing up was accepting the simple fact that not everyone I would meet would become my friend, or would at least like me. It came from a place of insecurity for sure, and perhaps there was some narcissism in there too, being that I was slowly growing into an adult, trying hard to be confident and believing in myself, therefor wanting to leave the always awkward and uncomfortable teenager in me behind for the stronger, more charismatic and compelling woman I wanted, and still want, to be.
It's a delicate balancing act between being the modest and humble person society tells you you should be and the confident and unwavering individual most aspire to become. But how many of us actually manage to get to that point of self-assurance and certainity where others' opinions of us don't touch us at all? And why do we feel like we need the approval and appreciation of others in the first place? In short: why do we want to be liked so bad?
Aristotle figured something out a long time ago when he said, “Man is by nature a social animal,” meaning that unlike other mammals we do not like to be by ourselves for too long. Interaction, communication, empathy, sense of community... these and many others, are some of the common denominators of humanity. We strive for success and recognition by our peers, we desire to be a part of a group, we hope our actions will be seen by those we look up to; this is not just a mere side of our personality, it actually is one of the reasons humanity has evolved into what it is right now. Cities, art, even social media... one could say they all are consequences of men's natural instinct towards expressing themselves and communicating with one another.
Consequently, it can be very hard for many of us to get over the fact that no matter how hard we try, we will never be universally liked by our peers.
In an age where popularity has become so many people's goal, be it for more or less honorable reasons, it has gotten harder to really understand how it's opposite side is just as common and normal.
There is actually nothing wrong about not being liked. It means that you're doing something that causes a reaction from your peers, and you might just be on to something. You might just be living to the truest version of yourself, and no there is no reason why you should apologize for it and conform to what society thinks would be a more likable attitude and way of life. You might just have figured out that you're not willing to compromise with other people's expectations of you, and that's ok. Better than ok; that is the right way to go. You should always be who you want to be, as long of course as it doesn't actively reduce or hurt someone else in doing so.
You like to laugh a lot and be silly? There is nothing wrong with that, no matter how many won't like you for it. Your dream is to be a teacher, or anyone that doesn't conform with the standards of “success”? Just do it, be that amazing teacher who is exactly where he/she wants to be. Are you part of a minority, whether by choice or by coincidence? Live to fullest of your uniqueness and difference, because there is no reason why you shouldn't be doing so. Truth be told, no matter how hard you try to be the most likeable person on earth, there will always be someone who will find something to hold against you; so you might as well be your amazing self and don't apologize for it. I'm pretty sure there'll be people that'll actually love you for it. And one of those is worth a 1,000 haters.
PS: send us your personal questions and doubts for the “keeping it real” advice column to TheOdysseyatPratt@gmail.com.
