Quite frequently, I see articles beginning with the words “I’m The Girl Who.” I understand the sentiments behind these articles and their purpose in helping the (usually) female writers assert or defend one aspect of their identity.

Yet, I think it is also extremely important to understand that we are all so much more complex than these simple taglines. We have so much wonderful complexity and uniqueness which could never be fully contained in a headline, an article, or even a full four-hundred-page book, complete with a prologue and epilogue.

There is the undeniable fact, however, that it is incredibly easy to lose your unique identity in college. For starters, many colleges are huge and anonymous. Chances are, the majority of people you pass on the way to and from class do not care about those random tidbits that make you one-of-a-kind.

For example, the frazzled student speed-walking to their lecture is probably not interested in the fact that you are a quarter Newfoundlander or that you have a rapidly aging pug named Diesel back home (both facts about me, by the way).

There is also the clichéd but very realistic busy nature of college which makes it difficult to remember and maintain your individuality. When you’re running off fewer than the recommended eight hours of sleep and trying to study for multiple midterms, things like your favorite band or deepest fears seem rather inconsequential.

Then, naturally, there are the strong pressures to conform which actually do not go away after high school.

One of the best aspects of college is the abundance of student groups in which one can really find his or her way. For some it is Greek life; for others, it may be club sports or academic societies. For many, it could be all three of these and even more. My freshman year that club was Model United Nations because I have always been fascinated by world issues and because I knew I needed practice on my public speaking and communication skills. I can now say, three years later, joining Model UN was a great decision.

There is the risk though, with clubs and groups in college, of confusion and a loss of identity as one attempts to mold his or herself to a certain group dynamic or personality type. It is important to find people with whom you feel you belong. It is just as necessary to maintain your individual self throughout this process.

Ironically, my loneliest times in college came not necessarily when I was physically by myself (although that did, and still does, happen). Rather, they often came when I attempted to surround myself with certain groups or tried to adjust my personality in ways that I thought would bring me more friends.

For example, I experienced what was probably the worst insecurity in my life last year when I tried to find love and acceptance among evangelical Christians. I sought to belong even though this required (admittedly rather unsuccessfully) suppressing personal characteristics like my affinity for partying, my occasional-to-frequent use of colorful language, and even my open-minded and critical worldview.

More recently, perhaps as a reaction against my strict religious phase, I have found myself trying to be more social and “wild” in hopes of gaining more friends and attention.With this, I have also found myself frustrated, lonely, and insecure when I think I fall short. I, personally, know I am not myself in either of these extremes so it is hardly any wonder why I have felt so lost.

It is impossible to claim with certainty, but I would probably say I was happiest my freshmen and sophomore years when I wasn’t really striving to fit in. I was so focused on my studies that I did not care all too much what most people thought of me. I went out from time to time and I certainly knew how to have a good time but I also wasn’t obsessing over having plans, or not having plans, for any given weekend. Most importantly, people loved me for exactly who I was and not because I tried to make them love me.

Individuality is so crucial in college, and for the rest of life, but that does not mean college necessarily makes it easy to preserve. Yet, it is not an impossible task. There are tangible things you can do every day to hold onto those little unique aspects of your personality. This could mean putting your funky sense of fashion on full display. Or perhaps it is listening to that cool, underground band the mainstream has yet to discover. Maybe it is making those quirky jokes that no one but you will understand, let alone laugh at.

There are also intangible things to remember. Remember, for example, when you join a club that you are a fantastic unique asset to that group. While the group will have a hopefully positive impact on you, you are yourself outside of that group’s identity. On this front, I am incredibly fortunate to have found acceptance in my two very diverse clubs, Model UN and Mortar Board.

Yes, change and healthy influence from other people is expected, and important, in college. Still, it is crucial for this change to be growth as opposed to conformity. If any person, group, or lifestyle does not accept your fundamental you, they are, quite frankly, not worth the strain or heartache.