His Alleged Sexual Assault On Dr. Blasey-Ford

Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh got a chance to tell their sides of the story before Congress last Thursday. She described the assault in great detail and he denied having ever touched her. Both liberals and conservatives agree that her testimony was as credible as it was heart-wrenching to watch but many conservatives still maintain that she must be either confused or just wrong, somehow.

And then there are those *other* conservatives who say that even if he sexually assaulted her he should still get to be on the Supreme Court. Because sexual violence and borderline alcoholism totally fit a SCOTUS judge's temperament.

Speaking of temperament...

Drunk Brett Is Violent And Pukey

Many former classmates claim Kavanaugh was drunk in their presence multiple times while he was in college. According to one report, he got into a bar fight after throwing ice in another man's face. And in his college friend's book, "Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk," a character with a very similar name (Bart O'Kavanaugh) was characterized as a fellow drunk who threw up in someone else's car from too much alcohol. Of course, he denies having ever been blackout drunk, even though there are quite a few witnesses that claim he was.

His Demeanor

Many times throughout the hearing Kavanaugh was aggressive towards the senators that were asking him questions.

And after being asked to talk about his yearbook page and phrases like "Ralph Club" and "Devil's Triangle" by Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Rhode Island), Kavanaugh danced around the subject, saying that he was the top of his class and worked hard. When Sen. Whitehouse asked him again, Kavanaugh said, "I like beer. Do you like beer Senator or not? What do you like to drink?"

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He accused the political Left, Democrats, and Clintons of a conspiracy to concoct a false sexual assault allegation to destroy him. Again it should be noted that he's supposed to be a neutral arbiter of justice for the next forty years in the highest court of the land and yet that sentence sounds more like it should have slithered out of the mouth of Alex Jones.

When Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota) asked whether he had ever been drunk to the point that he blacked out he responded with, "No, I remember what happened and I think you've probably had beer, Senator." Klobuchar pressed him again, asking, "So you're saying there's never been a case where you drank so much that you didn't remember what happened the night before or part of what happened?" Kavanaugh then turned her question back on her, saying, "I don't know, have you?" She then, seemingly exasperated, asked him a final time to answer the question, adding, "So... that's not happened? Is that your answer?" Kavanaugh then said, "Yeah, and I'm curious if you have."

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Ew, just for future reference, don't ever be yourself if you have the option.

Perjury And Lies To Congress

Judge Kavanaugh has lied to Congress. I don't need to add a "maybe" or "allegedly" to that because the proof is accessible to the public. In fact, I'm going to link the proof of his lies WHILE I list them because I'm that kind of petty (and thorough). Let's talk first about things he *probably* lied about and then move on to the whopper.

"FFFFFFourth of July," Kavanaugh claims is a play on one of his friends who would "wind up" his F-words before saying them, rather than what the internet says it means. It might also mean that Kavanaugh and his friends liked to have sex with girls and then immediately forget about them. Either way it means he had sex on the Fourth of July and I don't really care to think about that more than I have to.

A "Devil's Triangle" is not a drinking game, my man. And "boofing" isn't farting and you should know that.

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"Ralphing" *can* mean throwing up because of something other than alcohol consumption but I'm willing to bet the farm that "Beach Week Ralph Club-Biggest Contributor" Brett Kavanaugh was probably throwing up beer. Because he likes beer. Like a lot. And no one would be proud of throwing up the most Mexican food, not even teenage boys on vacation.

"Renate Alumnius" is not a joke intended to show affection and that she was one of {Kavanaugh's friend group}.." Buddy, if you "admired" and "went to dances" with a girl named Renate Schroeder so much that you put "Renate Alumnius" in your yearbook 14 times you would've told her. You would have told her about the joke and she would have known her name was in your yearbook and wouldn't have been surprised when she was asked about it years later. Oh, and Renate Alumnius makes no sense if it's supposed to mean she's a part of you, it only makes an alcoholic's sip of sense if you were a part of her. Because that's how language works.

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Conspiracy To Commit Perjury

Kavanaugh, under oath, claimed that he only learned of Deborah Ramirez's allegation of sexual assault after hearing about it in the New Yorker. The problem with that is that there are text messages between Kavanaugh's friends Karen Yarasavage (awesome last name btw) and Kerry Berchem which show that Kavanaugh had been reaching out to his old classmates, looking for people to defend him from allegations that were going to come forward from Ramirez in the next few days.

Kavanaugh even denied having ever "discussed or heard discussion" about Ramirez's allegation before it came out in the New Yorker. He lied. He lied under oath.