For so many women, myself included, apologies are inexorably linked with our conception of politeness. Somehow, as we grew into adults, “sorry” became an entry point to basic affirmative sentences, according to The New York Times.
Writer Sloane Crosley states, "The bend-over-backward compulsion to avoid giving offense might account for plenty of unnecessary 'pleases' or 'excuse me’s,' but it doesn’t sufficiently account for the intensity of a 'sorry.'”
The "sorrys" are employed when a situation is so clearly not our fault that we think the apology will serve as a prompt for the person who should be apologizing.These sorrys are actually assertive. But they come off as passive-aggressive — the easiest of the aggressions to dismiss.
So we should stop. It’s not what we’re saying that’s the problem; it’s what we’re not saying. The sorrys are taking up airtime that should be used for making logical, declarative statements, expressing opinions and relaying accurate impressions of what we want. Young professional women, including myself, need to learn that we can be assertive without apologizing for it or up-talking.
Some would argue that in a world that promotes self-centered behavior (selfies, Facebook, Twitter, etc.), saying sorry is a good thing, even if one doesn't really mean it. It creates an awareness that the world doesn't revolve around me. However, apologizing or saying sorry when you do not truly mean it decreases the weight these phrases are meant to carry. Personally, I have become desensitized to both. We use them so often, that they mean absolutely nothing. I have adapted the belief that the best apology is changed behavior.
Lately I've been replacing my "I'm sorry's" with "thank you's." Instead of saying "Sorry I'm late," I'll say "thank you for waiting on me." This has not only shifted the way I think and feel about myself but it also has improved my relationships with others who receive my gratitude as opposed to my negativity. Save your "I"m sorry." stop saying sorry for everything and understand the situations when saying sorry is warranted.
Own YOUR decisions. Your decisions are yours to make. There’s no need for me to say, if I do, then I’m undermining my decision. Recognize when not to be sorry. You’ll have to do this in order to stop saying sorry. For instance, let's not pretend like you all haven't had trouble pronouncing my name (which is honestly not that hard!). In the past, my first response would be "I'm sorry, (with the correct pronunciation to follow)." This is a situation that doesn't warrant an apology. Why should i be sorry for someone saying my name incorrectly? Remember that if you find yourself apologizing for situations that don’t have anything to do with you or for situations that you have no control over, stop!
Always remember that you are entitled to your feelings and opinions. We should be authentic with our feelings. Own what you feel. They’re your feelings and you should be empowered by them
