I know I act grown most of the time despite you reminding me that I can still be your little girl. I know that I think I know more than you when it comes to my health and my life. I know I get a little bit ahead of myself when it comes to biting off more than I can chew, despite you telling me that my health comes first. There's a whole list of things that I think I know better than you do.
But one thing that I know for sure, despite you saying that I'm wrong or that I'm just being silly, is that I love you the most.
We've been the A team since day one for the past 20 years. Some people mistake us for best friends rather than mother and daughter. And I'll admit, there were days that I wish you were more of a mom than a friend like that one time you embarrassed me in front of my high school friends.
But as I sit here in my now quiet apartment, I realize that I wouldn't want it any other way. As a 20-year-old young woman, I wouldn't want to call anyone else my best friend because who else has been there 24/7 for 20 years?
After spending a summer at home after being away, I realized how much I depend on you. What 20-year-old wants to admit that? Well, I honestly don't care because why wouldn't I admit it? Why wouldn't I depend on you, momma?
You taught me right from wrong. You showed me how to love someone unconditionally. You showed me that we don't need a silly man in our lives to survive. You reminded me that smarts aren't going to get you anywhere if you don't have the sense to go along with them. You taught me to never stoop to your enemies level.
So, as I watched you drive out of my apartment complex today, I couldn't help but wipe away a tear as it slowly cascaded down my face.
Yes, I'm an adult but let's face it, you've had a lot more experience at this adulting thing than I have so what do I know. I've relied on you for so much for so long and here I thought we had already ripped off the separation bandaid off. But it turns out I don't think we ever will and you know what?
Forget ripping off that separation band-aid off because I'm always going to come back to you because I love you the most.
I know that I'll be OK and that I'll make it through my junior year because look at you. I've learned how to be strong from a woman who is Wonder Woman. I've learned how to be healthy from a woman who preached to me about self-care. I've learned how to persevere from a woman who made it out of some of the muckiest places that I know of.
I'm going to make it in this world because of the woman you are, Mom. Because you made me who I am and nothing can break us down.
This isn't me saying that I'm going to be OK from now on because let's face it, that's not going to happen. There are still going to be nights that I call you up crying because I'm not sure about anything. There are going to be days that I want space and only you know what that is code for. And there are going to be days that all I need is to hear your voice.
So, Momma, thank you for making me the way I am. Thank you for being there at my darkest times. Thank you for loving me even when I showed my ugly colors. Finally, thank you for constantly telling me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone; that I just need to be happy with the person who looks back at me in the mirror.
I love you the most.