I know when I walk into a room people usually notice the fact that I'm not exactly a size zero — or four, for that matter. I know that when I walk into a room, most people notice the fact that I'm not a small girl. And for a while, that honestly hurts. I've been the butt of fat jokes and I've been the girl that other girls would whisper and snicker about behind my back. I've had men make comments to my face and over the internet about how I'd just be so much prettier if I lost "x amount" of weight. Honestly, I had internalized those messages for some time and I had honestly believed that I wasn't beautiful and that I didn't deserve the same basic respect that other human beings do, simply because I weigh more than what I would like to.
Well, I'm calling B.S. on that whole thought process.
Yes, at the current moment, I weigh more than what I probably should, but that does not mean that I am grossly unhealthy or that I deserve to take up any less space in the world or matter any less either.
If you saw me on the street, you might think I'm "too fat," but what you don't know is that at the moment, I'm recovering from a three year battle with disordered eating.
This includes symptoms of both anorexia and bulimia, and all of this means that my metabolism has been trash for quite some time — any attempts that I had made in the past to lose weight never worked out.
Add to this the fact that some of the medications that I take on a daily basis pack on the pounds and that's another strike against any chance of weight loss. In spite of all of this, I have managed to find a workout routine that works for me.
I have started to eat better and come to terms with the fact that while I may not be where I want to be at the moment, I can wholeheartedly embrace where I am and where I'm going.
No, I know that my body isn't going to change overnight, but these small changes that I'm making on a daily basis will eventually add up over time. The bottom line is that I've decided that other people's opinions of me will no longer affect my opinion of myself.
Yes, at the current moment, I might be "too fat," but their opinions on my body are exactly the same as my opinion on sliced bread — outdated and irrelevant. I'm deciding that from this point on, what people have to say about my body is their business and not mine. I won't let anyone make me feel like less of a person simply because I happen to take up more space than what they think is appropriate. Because, in all honesty, one day, I will be able to lose the extra weight, but unless something life-altering happens, mean people will stay mean.
It's 2020 and body shaming and making other people feel crappy about their bodies is canceled.