Ah, the Honors Thesis. For some, it’s the capstone experience of an illustrious undergraduate career. For most, it’s a journey of unparalleled anguish.
First Circle: Happy Naivete
The Honors Thesis journey typically begins at the tail end of junior year when you’re ambitious, innocent and dumb. Little do you know that you’re entering a world of pain as you approach your advisor. She warns you about the amount of work you’re about to take on, but you foolishly waive off her warnings. “I’m genuinely interested in this topic!” you tell yourself, “This will be a breeze!”
These words will become your epitaph.
Second Circle: Explaining Your Research to Other People
Whether you’re applying for funding or explaining to work to family members, you’re going to have to explain your research to people who know nothing about your topic. At this point in your research, you’re so deep in literature, data and modeling techniques that you’ve probably forgotten how to speak in layman’s terms. You’ve probably lost sight of the purpose of the research. As you try to water down your research idea into something easily digestable, you can’t help but wonder, “Why am I doing this?”
Third Circle: Literature Review Rabbit Hole
Say goodbye to your friends and family and say hello to Google Scholar. Your advisors will tell you that Google Scholar is a great tool for cross-referencing your sources. What they won’t tell you is that three hours into using Google Scholar, you’ll realize that all beings in the universe are inter-connected in a cosmic web of knowledge.
Fourth Circle: Data Collection
You know that scene in "The Terminator" when the audience sees the scene from the Terminator’s perspective? It’s all scrolling digitized numbers and infrared figures? Data collection is nothing like that. It’s a messy collection of multiple data files, Qualtrics surveys and IRB approval. Like tigers, data is a wild animal that must be tamed. And like tigers, data will randomly bite your arm off even after you tame it.
Fifth Circle: Panic
The panic normally sets in during the second semester of an honors thesis. Your advisor will say something along the lines of “three months from your thesis defense," and something inside you will snap. Your breath with come out in short wheezes and your palms will feel sweaty. Your writing will suddenly seem disorganized and your data analysis will not be statistically significant.
Sixth Circle: Kidnap Yourself
Around a month before your thesis defense, you’ll have a moment of clarity. You’ll realize that the only way to escape your fate is to kidnap yourself. The best self-kidnappings involve leaving a ransom note for your roommate and camping in the woods until all this passes. Then you can change your name, move to a different town and start a new life.
Seventh Circle: Sweet Relief
After a good cry and a realization that you don’t have enough camping equipment to live in the woods for the rest of your life, you’ll accept your fate. You’ll pull yourself together, hand in your thesis and defend it in front of your committee. Despite all of the blood, sweat and tears, you’ll have a project that reflects your passions. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
