If you haven't heard of John Mulaney, you owe it to yourself to watch his two standup specials "New In Town" and "Comeback Kid" right now. The young witty comedian will give you quite the ab workout from laughing so hard. I've watched them both so many times that I quote his jokes multiple times a day in normal conversation. Although I probably have the entirety of both scripts memorized, I use the following ten quotes more times than I'm willing to admit.

1. "I'll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I'll die."

As an Irish Catholic, I relate to this on so many levels. Only John Mulaney could pinpoint my damaging tendency to push away my feelings until they're deeply buried and get a laugh out of it at the same time.

2. "13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world."

Our favorite high waisted comedian perfectly describes how terrifying preteens can be. They seem to know how to find your biggest insecurities just by a single glance. This may be the reason why I see middle schoolers and I immediately panic.

3. "I don't look older, I just look worse."

As someone blessed with a babyface, I hardcore relate to this one. As each year passes, I fail to stop looking like I'm a high school freshman, while the bags under my eyes just darken. It's a disappointing journey.

4. "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin."

As I've gotten older, I've become jarringly content with doing absolutely nothing. I used to need to keep myself busy all the time. Now when someone bails on plans, I get a little excited knowing I'll be able to watch reruns of television shows and eat an unhealthy amount of ice cream.

5. "My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I'll apologize to you."

Confrontation is not my thing. So, like John Mulaney, I often find myself apologizing when others are at fault. Every time I hear this quote, I also think of the "This is Delta Airlines" jingle from New In Town.

6. "Something happened here. You hope it's a miracle, but probably not."

I 've said this on many occasions after seeing something suspicious. Someone's dorm room is wide open but they're nowhere to be found? Perfect time to insert this quote. Flipped over wheelchair? Even better.

7. "I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under."

Ok, so maybe Mulaney was talking about a small child, but as a college student, I relate to this one on a spiritual level.

8. "First off, no."

This is another one I find myself inserting into too many conversations. When a friend begins to make an illogical statement I start my comeback (kid) with this iconic quote.

9. "I was just shiny and dumb and easy to trick."

As a college freshman, I also feel this on a spiritual level. Everyone loves tricking the freshmen.

10. "You know, like a liar."

"And then I said (insert untrue statement you made to someone in order to look better). You know, like a liar."