Note: This article discusses at depth the new addition to the Harry Potter Universe and thus contains spoilers for all seven books, plus the new play, "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child."

For all the Muggles out there, our childhood's favorite bard has finally released a new (and possibly final) story within the Harry Potter canon. "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" is the eighth story in the series focusing not on everyone's favorite trio, but rather their children. The focus of this new story, a play currently performed in London, is on the friendship between Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy.

Rowling's relationship with her canon is, to say the least, complicated.

I'm sure everyone remembers when, shortly after the release of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", JKR announced to the world that Dumbledore was gay. I mean the merits of such an announcement are still being debated today with many die-hard Potterheads feeling conflicted over the way it was revealed.

I mean the fact of the matter is that revealing a queer character in post and expecting to be praised for writing a queer character sets the bar for queer representation really low.

The same could be said for Black Hermione. Despite Rowling talking on Twitter about how she liked the idea and that the characters were left racially ambiguous (for the most part), the fact of the matter is that for many people (Rowling included) our default characters are white.

It's not daring (or particularly progressive) to admit that your characters could potentially be people of color, it would have been more progressive to actually make them people of color.

There are also some problems involving the founding of the American School of Magic notably a bit of a White Savior complex where Wizards from Ireland came over and taught the Native Americans to organize an actual magic school.....

So yeah, JKR's contributions to her own canon after the publishing of HP7 haven't been all that great.

Keeping that in mind, let's now discuss "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child."

I mean first and foremost the play was alright? Like my feelings about it are pretty tepid. I don't hate it, but I can't say I loved it either.

It wasn't the worst thing I've ever read, but it also isn't up to par with the previous novels.

It's also full of problems.

I think the biggest problem is that the play does not justify its own existence.

I'm not sure if it's a fault of the medium, but I was vastly underwhelmed reading the script. It's probably different seeing it onstage, but the script itself cannot stand on its own. A novelization could possibly work better, but in general the plot itself is weak.

Nothing about this story needs to be told. It doesn't elevate the rest of Harry Potter, but it also doesn't drag it down. I can't see JKR writing this because it called to her. She didn't foray back into the Harry Potter Universe because she had this story bouncing in her brain for ages. The plot isn't that compelling.

To be honest it feels like weak fanfiction.

I was spoiled on the plot over a month ago and I honestly could not believe what I was reading. I assumed someone was messing with me. I don't know why JKR thought "Voldemort's secret daughter & time travel hijinks" was a proper direction, but she was sorely mislead.

I started the play with a good deal of hope and trepidation, worried that the spoilers I read would be true.

Within Act I, I knew they were. At some point Rose (as in Rose Granger-Weasley) mentions that people think Scorpius Malfoy is Voldemort's child due to some shenanigans with an alleged Time Turner and I involuntarily groaned aloud.

This was, of course, awkward because my friends and I were currently cold-reading the play.

He's not Voldemort's child, FYI.

No, instead Voldemort had a child with Bellatrix Lestrange. His daughter is now pretending to be the niece of Amos Diggory, Delphi. She's known as the Augury and she seeks to turn back time to convince Voldemort not to kill the Potters to extend his dark reign. (Of course no one mentions that doing so would prevent her very birth and create a time paradox but whatever, JKR's not a science fiction writer.)

Time Travel is another ridiculous element that sort of has an entire host of related problems.

Now I love a good time travel story. I've been watching Star Trek for years and some of those episodes with time travel are visionary.

To do time travel well you have to establish consistent rules where one method of time travel consistently produces similar effects.

Here's the kicker: In the Cursed Child the characters do all their time travel through Time Turners. Rowling has already established how time travel works through Time Turners and the Time Turners in the show function nothing like this.

As I'm sure everyone remembers "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" featured time travel. Harry and Hermione create a stable time loop to rescue Buckbeak and Sirius. In short, the past (and the present) were never actually changed because they were always going to go back in time. In that way time can never actually be altered because all time travel events have already occurred within the prime timeline.

However, time travel within the Cursed Child occurs across decades using a Time Turner. This is, of course, handwaved away saying that the Time Turner is some sort of prototype and can take them back across decades but will only give them five minutes in the past, but really it's all bullshit.

The fact of the matter is that none of the changes to the present could ever happen due to the previously established rules of time travel via Time Turners. JKR was just too lazy to invent another method of magical time travel.

So let's talk about what Albus and Scorpius do. They are tricked through an Imperius-cursed Amos Diggory to rescue Cedric. They do that through trying to humiliate him during the Triwizard Tournament. Eventually they succeed at humiliating him to the extent that he becomes a Death Eater and allows Voldemort to kill Harry. This leads to May 2nd becoming Voldemort Day and there being a Blood Ball (wtf). Also Dolores Umbridge is the Headmistress of Hogwarts. Also the Augury (who turns out to be Delphi) is in power.

So after they reverse the humiliation of Cedric, Delphi gets her hands on the prototype Time Turner and goes back to save Voldemort while Draco Malfoy reveals that he has a new Time Turner without the five minute limit (talk about a Time Turner ex machina) so they all go back, Harry transfigures himself to look like Voldemort to serve as bait and then has to just stand by and watch his parents get murdered?????

Wtf

No legit, that's the conclusion.

I'm not kidding.

For starters, why?

Like what purpose does this serve in the long run? Why is this the dramatic conclusion to a two-night play?

Why does Harry have to passively let Voldemort murder his family for the greater good?

Ugh. Whatever.

Another problem I have is just characterization and the characters in general.

Like is it just me or do Ron, Harry, and Hermione not feel like themselves?

Ron was, just like in the movies, pure comic relief. Ron in the books is not just there to laugh at. He's very important in that he keeps both Harry and Hermione grounded.

Furthermore there is only mention of Neville. Ginny appears, but rarely gets any actual characterization. Luna isn't mentioned at all.

Yet we get a strong Snape feature.

That's interesting considering the amount of Snape Discourse that happens on a daily basis. There's a portion of the fandom that really likes Snape and a portion who really hates Snape. JKR clearly favors the pro-Snape camp, but it seems interesting to use Snape as a character but to not feature Luna or even Teddy Lupin.

These characters are oddly left out. Even the rest of the trios' kids are oddly ignored except when it seems convenient (obviously not including Rose).

The plot of the play spans years which further separates us from Albus and Scorpius. With each Harry Potter book we got an intimate look at one school year. By spanning years, our look into Scorpius and Albus are more of a highlights version and it makes us feel more distant.

Albus and Scorpius (especially Scorpius) are delightful, I only wish that Rowling was progressive enough to actually make them queer. Actual queer representation within the play would overall enhance the narrative. It is definitely confirmed that both Albus and Scorpius are straight, but Scorpius's crush on Rose and Albus's crush on Delphi don't actually matter to the narrative. In fact, it stands without them. It would have been a nice gesture for JKR to actually write LGBT characters, especially given the Dumbledore controversy. You know, have her actually walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.

All in all the play is fine, really. But it's not brilliant.

The plot is weak and the characters feel a little stale.

But hey, it'll make a shitton of money right?