1. "So, you go to a Jewish church, right?"

It's called a temple. Please don't act like this is some obscure, foreign word that you've never heard before.

2. "Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?"

Excuse me, Thanksgiving is an American holiday.

3. "Wait, but you celebrate Christmas, right?"

Stop.

4. "So, you don't have a tree?"

Well, it is a Christmas tree . . .

5. "Do you hate Jesus? You know he was Jewish, right? Why'd you kill him?"

No, I don't hate him. Yes, I know he was Jewish. I'm sure he was a great guy, but I am completely indifferent towards him. And NO, I DID NOT KILL JESUS.

6. "I love matzah."

Okay, you've probably had matzah once in your life. For anyone who has really experienced matzah, they know that it is nothing but tasteless and constipating.

7. "So, do you only speak Jewish at home?"

You can't "speak" Jewish. You can't speak a religion. You speak a language. And that language is Hebrew. And no, I do not speak it at home.

8. "Oh, I learned about the Holocaust in high school; I am so sorry!"

This one I do not understand. You wouldn't approach an African-American and say, "I learned about slavery in high school; I'm so sorry!"

9. "My grandpa died in the Holocaust, too - he fell off of a watch tower."

Honestly, Holocaust jokes should never be funny regardless of your religion. What is funny about 6 million people being innocently murdered?

10. "My friend is Jewish, do you know him?"

This is tricky. A) No, Jews are not incestuous or freakish human beings who all mass breed together. However, B) in some way or another, the Jewish world is small and I probably do know your best friend's cousin's girlfriend's aunt.

11. "So are you, like, really rich?"

No. Shut up. Religion has no effect on financial status.

12. "So are you, like, really cheap?"

No. Shut up. Religion has no effect on financial tendencies.

13. "Do you just spin your dreidel all the time?"

Wow, you know so much about Judaism.

14. "Can I see your horns?"

I'm not even going to elaborate on this one.