It Is Not You, It Is God

It Is Not You, It Is God

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes." Psalms 119:71


Now before you go hating me and bashing on God, hear me out, first. I have spent (maybe) about 10 percent of my life in a “relationship.” The rest I was single, looking for someone.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist home and church. Going to church on Sunday had no question behind it; we went rain or shine. I went on Sunday and Wednesday nights, attended and helped in VBS, went on all summer trips in youth and became a part of a girls group when I got to youth. I went through “True Love Waits” and just about any Christian devotion on dating you can think of.

Growing up in the same place my whole life, I knew just about everyone and everyone knew me. Attending a high school with about 300 in my graduating class, I knew just about all of them. While most of them were dating or did, I did not. Why? Because growing up I was taught that you date someone that you can see yourself having a future with. I knew that I was not going to marry any of the boys in my high school because they did not meet up to my expectations of how a man of God should be.

Graduation came around, and I left home to go to a small town college four hours away. I only knew three people at the school, and I was so excited. On move-in day I thought, The man I am going to marry is here. I could meet him any day now. Going to college a long distance away from home is one of the smartest decisions I have made in my entire life. You are living in a whole new world, new people (new friends), new places, a new home-away-from-home -- and new boys.

One day, my friend Taylor and I were sitting in my room. I looked outside to see the lake -- and a boy who was in my health class who was super cute. I grabbed her, my fishing pole, and tackle box. We stood on the dock looking like we knew what we were doing, waiting on the boy to walk his way around the lake to us. As soon as I got settled, he went back inside (just my luck). We did not feel like walking back in, so we just stayed out there for a little longer. Low and behold, about 15 minutes later I hear footsteps behind us. Two boys come up beside us, Hunter and his friend. They were obviously not my type (no offense to them). I kept to myself and Taylor flirted.

Fast forward, two weeks later, and Taylor says, “Hunter wants me to go eat with him, but I do not want to go by myself. Will you come with me?” Why not? I like food, sure. This was my first of many third wheel trips. The next week, she texts me asking if I could fix her hair, for her "first real date with Hunter," which I did like any good friend would do. Fast forward, about two years down the road, and they are still together.

In conclusion, it was because I went after a guy, that she got a guy. Life is not fair.

A couple of months down the road I meet this one guy -- the one guy I thought would be the one. Christian, athletic, loved his family, respectful, and loved the Dawgs. When we hung out, we had the best time together. It was like we had known each other our whole life. I honestly had this idea that we could possibly have a great future together, till five months down the road when he told me that he did not feel the same.

I was devastated. Watching someone getting their heart broken in a movie, or reading about it in a book, is not even close to what it feels like in real life. It changed me. Many people referred to me as having a broken heart, but it was not broken, because I could feel it aching. I wondered if this aching would ever stop, if I would ever find a healing. The only thing I knew to do was to turn to my eternal, perfect, comforting healer, Jesus.

I will admit, I spent some hours just crying to God in prayer asking, Why me? I did not sleep with people. I do not do bad things. I even prayed for us! Then it hit me -- the problem was that I prayed. I asked God to take us where he wanted us to be, and he wanted me and that boy apart. Once I realized that it was for the best, it still took me some time and many Christian-focused relationship books to recover. I realized that I can be miserable about my life, or I can choose to trust that God in control, and he has other plans for me.

Though, sometimes, trusting God is harder than doing what I want to do, I can promise you it is worth it in the end. If God can give me a guy that great, and have it not work out, I cannot even imagine how great of a man God will give me in the future.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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