Some change their hair or clothes. Over the past year, I’ve coincidently changed both, but I’ve also changed my mentality. Before this year, I had put others first. I put others first so frequently that I was struggling to keep everyone else happy, while I was opposite. I felt pressure to be someone I wasn’t. I felt like I had to put on a happy face, and help everyone else with their issues. Meanwhile, I was struggling with my personal issues. I have been a people pleaser my entire life, which I will not stop being. I just chose to live my life for...well, me.
Once I started living for myself instead of others, I felt a drastic change in my life. Everyday that I choose myself I still feel the positivity I felt in the beginning of this transition. Keeping a positive attitude is so easy once you erase the negative. I’ve learned to love myself, and do things for myself that I never would have thought to do before this past year. I’ve spoken my opinion, and stood up for myself, both of those I wouldn’t have done a year ago. I’ve officially found my voice. Whether I’m right or wrong, I don’t know. At least now I have the chance to be wrong, and I’m not afraid to admit it when I am. I am no longer afraid to take “lazy days”. I am no longer scared to walk into a room full of people I don’t know. I no longer put others priorities above my own. I do not tolerate others treating me poorly anymore. I know what I want out of my life now, and I know exactly how to achieve it. I actually needed to change. Change is good. I hope to continually change. I never want to be stuck in the rut I was once in, again. I hope to learn, and grow more over the next year (I wouldn’t be angry with a few extra inches on my height either, but that’s one thing I can’t control). This does not mean that I no longer help people. I happily help people more than ever. I just do not drown myself in it. Instead of taking the time I need to myself, I volunteer my free time. This has made my life not only easier, but also more rewarding.
For those of you that have stuck it out with me, thank you. Thank you for staying by my side when I needed you most. Thank you for respecting my decision on the days I have to say “No”. Thank you for understanding that I’ve needed to do this for myself as well as by myself. To change is to learn, and I’ve learned a lot over the past year.
