Can you define a toxic relationship? Often when you’re in one it can be hard to recognize until you’re in too deep. A toxic relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be physically abusive, it can be mentally abusive as well. A bad part of this type of relationship is when you change who you are to be the other person’s idea of perfect. Given, in any relationship you will have to change to some extent but you should never look in the mirror and not recognize who you are. If there’s more bad times than good, it’s time to let go. Often times it’s hard. I get it. You become comfortable with the person and that life you have built with them. It’s easy to be blinded by “love” or the idea of it.
It took me almost three years to realize how toxic my relationship was and another year to finally find strength and courage to walk away. I’m here to tell you that was probably the best decision I could have ever made. For those who know me now would probably describe me as outgoing, social and pretty fearless. If they knew me about eight months ago, I would have been unrecognizable. My life consisted of going to work, class and staying in my apartment that I shared with my boyfriend. I turned into this quiet girl who was a homebody. This isn’t me or who I am but it was who my boyfriend wanted me to be and who we were together. The relationship didn’t start out awful but over time it morphed into something ugly and that's usually how it goes. It was mentally and physically abusive. I don’t want to dive into details because that’s a little too personal for me and, honestly, a whole different story. All I know is I have no regrets with my decision nor do I with the time spent in the relationship because I learned and grew from it.
It taught me that you should never settle for someone who makes you feel something other than yourself. Find someone who accepts your flaws, your dreams and you. You shouldn’t lose yourself in a relationship. You should never feel the need to change because you don’t think you’re good enough. If there’s more bad times than good, if you don’t feel of value, if you feel lost, it’s time to let go. If it's physically or mentally abusive, leave. The thing about being in this type of relationship is many people think, “Okay if it’s bad I will just break up with them.” It’s certainly not that easy. You get sucked in. Trust me, I get it. But you should never take verbal or physical abusive because "it won't happen again" or accept it as a norm. You deserve the world. Find the strength and courage to take time to find yourself and reevaluate. It’s scary to let go of something familiar, but I’m here to tell you it’s better to be alone than to be with someone and miserable.
You don’t need a significant other in your life to enjoy it and live it. Often times I think people are afraid to be alone. It’s perfectly fine to be alone. Go on adventures by yourself, travel and find yourself again. While you’re out living your life the right person will come along when you don’t expect it. Someone who won’t change you but accept you for who you are. Someone who won't throw you around with their hands or their words. You might ask, what if the right person passes you by but you miss them because you decided to stay in this unhealthy, toxic relationship? What if you had a true shot at happiness but you miss your shot because you’re stuck in your comfort zone? Find strength. Find courage. Find yourself. You deserve the world and there’s someone out there who can give that to you but not if you don’t make a change.
Letting go and setting myself free of the unhealthy relationship I was in was the most freeing thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets. I have made more friendships this past year than ever. I always go on spontaneous adventures. I travel with friends and by myself. I have made so many new memories with some absolutely amazing people. I laugh until I cry almost on a daily basis and I truly enjoy the little things in life. I can finally look in the mirror and be proud of the person I am and what I've accomplished. My life has done a complete 180, yet I have never felt more like myself.
Life is beautiful and shouldn’t be wasted. I hope that if you find yourself in this type of relationship you can learn from me and let go. I promise, you won’t regret it.
