To Those Close to Me, It's Not You...It's Me | The Odyssey Online
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Health Wellness

It's Not You, It's Me

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

 Jordan McLawhorn
Jun 10, 2019
37
It's Not You, It's Me
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"It's not you, it's me" sounds so cliche, right? The typical excuse for a breakup when someone doesn't want to give the real reason. But this time it's different. This time I am trying to explain myself to you so you can understand where I've been and what happened to us. One day I was responding to your texts in a matter of seconds and the next day I was taking hours to respond...or not responding at all. One day I seemed super excited about hanging out and the next day, I seemed so distant.

But it's not you, it's me. I don't want to be distant from you, I don't want to push you away, and the LAST thing I want to do is hurt you. But I'm overwhelmed. I'm struggling with having close connections because my anxiety is telling me it won't last. My anxiety is telling me you'll walk away, just like the ones before you. So I pull away...I protect my heart from what anxiety tells me is inevitable. But the craziest part is...I know you're not going anywhere. I can tell myself over and over that you're my friend and you love me and you aren't going to walk away, but then anxiety comes creeping back in.

So I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for all the cancelled plans because anxiety got the best of me. I'm sorry for all the texts I didn't respond to because I got overwhelmed so easily. I'm sorry that I seemed to pull away for no reason at all. I need you to know how important you are to me. I need you to know how much I need you in my life. I need you to know how much I hate hurting you. As much as my anxiety hurts me, it hurts the ones I love even more. So please remember, it's not you...it's me. Don't give up on me.

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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