You wouldn’t say something like “that’s so jewish” or “that’s so black,” so why are we still letting people get away with using the phrase “that’s so gay?"
I am not gay. I don't face the same discrimination that some of my loved ones face on a constant basis. I have never been referred to with homophobic slurs. I have never been defined by my sexuality and labeled as the “gay kid.” I’ve never had to worry about being harassed or attacked while walking down the street with my partner.
But while these are all more extreme examples of homophobia in action, sometimes the little attacks hurt the most.
My sister, my cousin, and my best friend all have one thing in common-- they’re gay. This may be the reason that I’m more sensitive to issues in the LGBTQ community. Or maybe it’s the fact that they are people, who deserve to be treated with the same respect as everyone else.
I hear “that’s so gay” used frequently, because it’s become a socially accepted phrase. To be honest, I used to not care if someone said it around me; I even used it myself on a few occasions. I never saw a problem with “that’s so gay” until I realized the effect it had on those I knew and loved.
My sister, who is a lesbian, told me that she finds it annoying when people say “that’s so gay” because they’re often using it to describe someone or something that is stupid. In that sense, it’s equating being gay with being stupid. I just can’t comprehend that in some people’s eyes it’s okay to diminish an entire community with one phrase. I’m baffled by the fact that members of the LGBTQ community must constantly defend their sexuality.
The phrase “that’s so gay” is traditionally understood to be homophobic. Now, people are coming out questioning whether or not the phrase is offensive. Many people who are not homophobic--some who even have openly gay friends--use the phrase quite often, because they don’t intend for it to be derogatory. Other people just think that there are bigger battles that the LGBTQ community should be fighting. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you--right?
Wrong.
As a decent human being with an openly gay sister, these words hurt me. My sister is not stupid. In fact, she’s one of the smartest people I know. There are better ways to describe someone or something without bringing someone else down. “That’s so gay” is an insult to my sister, and that’s something I’m not okay with.
I don’t think stopping the use of “that’s so gay” is the biggest battle the LGBTQ community has to fight, but it’s certainly important. Words do hurt. Words sometimes have more of a lasting impact than physical attacks.
Not untying your shoelaces before putting your shoes on is not so gay.
Tripping and spilling your drink is not so gay.
Staying in and doing homework instead of going to a party is not so gay.
Being a gay person who’s finally able to marry their partner-- that’s so gay. That’s also so beautiful, and also so fantastic. It’s time we stop using a phrase that tears down an entire community, and start treating them with the respect that they, like all people, rightfully deserve.
