It’s kind of hard to put together and how to describe an emotion towards one person. There are people who search for something called love their entire lives, and unfortunately, never find it. There are things that are meant to be, and others, well, that aren’t. If we lived in a world where everything was meant to be, and everyone was meant for the first person they meet, then life would not be all that interesting. The word "love" itself wouldn’t hold that much meaning if that were the case. Besides the sentence, "I don’t know," the three hardest words to say are, "I love you." The word "love" itself can be thrown around with not much care, like, “I love this movie,” or “Oh my gosh, I love this song.” But, to put that together and say “I love you” to a person is easily the hardest thing. Why, you may ask? Because there are only a few people you can say it to where it means more than just three words. It shows how you think of them, the moments you’ve had, and the place they hold in your heart--not just another saying to toss around.
Some people may say: "What do you know?" By the time I reached 15 years old, I was lucky enough to have someone who didn’t make me wait my entire life to find out what those three words meant. I had the high school sweetheart that many wish to have had. I was completely enamored at 15 years old, and for years after with one person. Every morning, I would see the diamond in the rough of those high school hallways. As I would look over my shoulder, I would see the reason I would get up each morning. A quick hello and a smile, and it was as if I had been the luckiest person in the world.
When you find that one person, you begin to do everything together. You have someone to rely on and talk to every second of the day. It could be about anything in the world--but no matter what was said, it’s like that person's voice is music to your ears. You begin to pick up on the little idiosyncrasies that set them apart from anyone else in the world. You can laugh, and smile, and completely be yourself because you and them are completely comfortable with whatever flaw is perfection in your eyes.
There is nothing else in the world quite like learning every little bit about someone--and as you go through each day, you see different things that remind you of that person. In my eyes, I find it hard to believe and to see some people who don’t want to have someone in their life. Every time I saw this person, my heart would race, I had a smile from ear to ear, and after every vacation or time without seeing each other to run down the block, because I wouldn’t have lived those few extra seconds without the sight of her. I was infatuated with what it was like to use the word “us.” After years of the same face and the same eyes that cut through me like a knife, it had finally come to an end. There was no more us, we, her, or anyone.
After being with a person for so long, you forget to realize that person becomes your best friend. You walk around using a title of "boyfriend," "girlfriend," or "partner," and it overshadows the fact that that person truly is your best friend. Everything that you become is through that person and you begin to pick up on their sayings and interests. It becomes second nature to say "goodnight" and "good morning" to the very same person, and do anything to put a smile on their face. It could be something small, like leaving notes for them to find--anything just to see a smile one more time.
Although every now and then when I look in the passenger seat of the car, and look fast to see the memory of what I once had, I still wouldn’t trade a single day of any of it. I began to realize the things that were important--I realized everything around me became better and life became easier. Just a simple smile, and my whole day was changed, I really don’t know what person I would have become had I not experienced a high school sweetheart--or love itself. Maybe I wouldn’t have the same friends I have to this day, or maybe I wouldn’t enjoy the things in life if not for her, and that’s a question I’m glad I won’t ever have an answer to. I won’t ever know what the future holds for anyone, but I do know even though I lost in the end, I loved, and nothing will ever be like your first love.
