You don’t see what I see. It’s not just that you made me a better person but you changed me too. You inspired me, pushed me to own the darkest part of myself. I needed you and you were always there. You were the good and I needed a little good in my life because without it, there’s an awful lot of darkness. Somehow you brought peace into my life, reminding me of who I was, what I stood for and who I am supposed to be.

Even though the situation wasn’t ideal, it was real to me. Every kiss, every hug, every meaningful conversation, and every emotion were real. I really did believe in us. The love I had for you was real. In spite of every single stupid thing you did, I stayed. Despite the lies, betrayals, and secrets, I still had the glimpse of hope that somehow what we had was real and all the stupid things you had done was because you were scared, scared that I wasn’t for real about us.

However, you blindsided me, played with my feelings knowing that there were concerns up in the air about us that you never confront me about, making me believe we really had open communication but we honestly never did. You made me believe that you were an honest person when you were not. You played with my emotions by lying to me constantly to my face for the sake of keeping someone else as a friend knowing how I felt about the situation. You were selfish, never thinking about me. How was anything between us was real if you weren’t the man I thought you were? Where was the faith in us? Why did you let the fear get in the way of us?

I walked away from what could have been possibly the best thing that could ever happen to us even though my heart remains true to you. The moment I realized how much I fell in love with you, I ran away in paranoia because I did what most scared girls would do in order to avoid the heartbreak. Who would want to ever experience heartbreak? None of us does. I got heartbroken anyway. The pain is unexplainable. I tried to grieve you. Trust me, I know grief but every time I let it sink in that I'm never going to see you again, I feel like I'm gonna die. I wouldn’t wish that much pain upon on anyone else. I know why you did what you did. It’s not real but you know what’s real? The way I felt for you. It was the most real thing I felt in my life.

I will always wonder if it was ever real to you even though you said it is. I want to believe you that what we had was real but you broke the trust. You broke us. You destroyed the real love based on lies and assumptions. I am not sorry that I met you and that knowing you has made me question everything. Even though you made all the wrong choices, I am not sorry that I’m in love with you. I never got to say thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. You gave me love that I didn’t know existed. You taught me that love wasn’t supposed to be perfect, it’s supposed to be real.