It's been a season of giving, yeah? Wrapping paper, bows, smiles and laughter. Imagine that every day! Every day, people smiling and laughing -- receiving something or another, and you're the reason for that happiness; the reason for the joy you see light their face.
Touching, right?
Now imagine being the giver -- always giving, always seeing the joy you bring to others; always giving, long after you've run out of things to give. Always putting yourself in a situation un-needed, to see a brief few moments of satisfaction. Hey, they're happy, so you're happy, right?
Wait, there's more: now imagine giving and giving, exhausting everything you have, but never being the person who receives. You're just stuck in this perpetual state of constant giving, but you're also one of the last to receive, or give to yourself. That's the thing about us, the givers, I mean: It's necessitous, almost: The need to give whatever we can, to almost anyone. We feel guilty if we don't. There are some of us who everyone thinks of as the "asshole" or the "prude," but like. . . there's a reason for that! We have this innate desire to constantly give and give, and help and help -- over time, that builds up!
Gifts, dinner, advice, rides, time, money... the list goes on and on of what it is we give, and the services we offer. We've paid rent, we've stayed up late, we've dropped everything we're doing to help... and what sucks the absolute worst: knowing that 99.99999 percent of people we do this for wouldn't even consider doing the same for us in return. You see, that's the frustrating part. That is what sucks more than a vacuum an hour before company: The fact that, no matter how many times we have a self-realisation the gesture won't be returned, we're just hardwired to continue to help and to give.
Time and time again, we're going to answer that call, knowing someone needs a ride or needs help doing some random obscure task... and time and time again, we'll do it.
"Oh no, you're totally welcome! I'm so glad I could help! Yeah, we'll definitely have to hang out soon." Oh really? Cuz I betcha $20 ya' triflin' ass ain't gonna hit this phone up again til ya need somethin'. Go ahead... Tell me I'm lyin'. Gon' head and tell me I'm wrong.
See, here's the thing: We know you won't come around again. We know that we're not gonna see your face, see a comment, a tag or a tweet from you until you're in a bind. Then it's gonna be all:
and maybe a little:
... just to fade away into an Instagram photo you tagged us in about 17 weeks ago. But we'll be there. Not because we're secretly in love with them, or we're looking for any opportunity to be around them... but because we're addicted to giving and helping. It's almost compulsive. See, that's what absolutely sucks. We give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give, and then we turn into doormats who get abused by those who know how compassionate we are in nature. We get taken advantage of, and we hate ourselves for letting it happen. But do we change?
No. We don't. Instead, we turn into cynics and cold-hearted people.
But will we stop giving and helping, even through what we've learned?
That is what sucks the worst. We want to change, and we want to change, but we're coded to help people, and if that means getting the shaft but bringing joy to someone, even for just a few minutes... well, I guess we'll always choose our own special kind of hell.
Be kind, and do good.
