I isolate myself because I'm afraid of people leaving,
and the pain in my heart when it's left barely beating.
They come and they go, as easily as night turns to day;
I wake up alone, a lost wanderer trying to find her way.
The lucky ones find friendships that last years on end,
but I'm struggling to find one, despite how many invites I send.
I feel like I'm on the outside looking in,
and that feeling of not belonging weighs as heavy as sin.
Maybe it is me?
What else could it be?
Maybe my words are too honest or my soul is too free?
Whatever it is that drives them away,
I'm afraid it'll be part of me until six feet under I lay.
Maybe my personality is off or my character too boring?
Why not change what I can to be more alluring?
On the outside I'm told I come off confident and pretty,
while I bury the fact I'm complex, insecure, but witty.
I've keep people at bay if they like what they see,
because they'll soon discover maybe they don't like me for me.
Although my love for others fills me head to toe,
to the question of self-compassion, the answer is no.
The pain of disliking myself is something I can abide,
but the distance from others is the reason for all the nights that I've cried.
The formula for happiness is made so very clear:
add success, friends, and beauty... simple really, right my dear?
But for those of us who find life a bit more complex than that,
we try and try but our efforts fall flat.
We aren't just disorders or damaged, hurting kids,
we're just cautious to put our hearts up for bids.
After years of disapproval, tragedy, and let downs,
We've found a community like us, and finally have friends all around.
But my mind is polluted by a repeating thought,
when we leave and part ways will these relationships rot
as they have seemingly always done?
I isolate myself because I'm afraid to make people run
away from my friendship, or let them toy with my heart just for fun.
I isolate myself because I'm afraid of people leaving,
and the pain in my heart when it's left barely beating.
