Apologies. The cure for all of life's problems. No matter what you did, no matter what you said, it can all be made ok with two words: I'm sorry. Or at least that's what we're led to believe, right? Everyone deep in the shit that wants out clings to that phrase like bees and honey. But what if apologies aren't enough?
What if the only way they could make things right is to get a time machine, go back, and fix what they did? But that's not possible. You live everyday knowing that there's no way to change what happened, no matter how much you want to. So you're stuck with hearing their bullshit apology just so they can hear "I forgive you" or "it's ok" so they can feel better about themselves.
But you know what? They can keep their bullshit apology. You see, for the people that have to live with your mistakes, letting go just isn't as easy as a lot of people think. Especially when you've repeatedly told them what was going on beforehand and they didn't listen.
For Bobby, apologies aren't worth jack-shit. In his eyes, he still has to deal with the pain and the consequences of their actions whether he chooses to accept their apology or not. He knows that being buddy-buddy with the people who hurt him will only make things worse. Whether you agree with it or not, for Bobby, forgiving the people from his past is like telling them "It's ok. You only fucked up my life." For Bobby, letting go is letting them off the hook.
That's what it's like for a lot of people. It's easy for people to say that that hasn't gone through that shit. But for people like Bobby, it's damn near impossible. Right now, he can't seem to let go of the rage and the regret. And here's the thing, I'm not sure he wants to.
I know that that sounds crazy but it might be true. I know he will at some point, I hope so anyway, but for right now it doesn't seem like he's ready to. Right now he's trying to answer the question "why did this happen?" or "what was the point?" He's asking himself this question because what he went through seems so pointless and unnecessary. But what if it didn't happen for a reason? What does he do with that?
He's going to go into work where he can help people, where he can help people that aren't in a position to help themselves like he was. He' going to help victims. Maybe he'll help a lot of people someday. Was that the point? I guess we'll see, won't we?
