invalidation in a relationship
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relationships

If You're Always Gonna Put Me Down, Then You're Not Worth My Time

Sorry, not sorry for cutting you out of my life.

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The habits of toxic relationships emerge when people start to settle and feel comfortable around each other. Trust opens the relationship even further and allows each person to freely express themselves.

But what happens when we become too comfortable? What happens when we think we can justify yelling and insults?

About five years ago, I had made a friend in recovery who always brought up spirituality and went Friday nights to a church for a special meeting with people who were struggling with specific issues. He was genuine and sweet – yet his behavior changed when I told him I had feelings for him and he rejected me.

He went out more and started drinking even though it is highly encouraged not to drink while on medication (which he ironically forgot to take). He had a rocky relationship with a Peruvian girl; then he dated one of my friends and brought his prior relationship issues into it, which resulted in a nasty break-up.

But what was worse was that his anger. He was starting to invalidate my emotions and experiences. He would send long texts to me about how I was emotionally weak and then insult me for what I wanted.

I didn't want a friend like that. And it hurt to end the friendship because he wasn't like that when I had first met him. But his presence created so much negativity in my life that I didn't see the purpose anymore in having him as a friend.

I had gone through many relationships since then before realizing that I am just a naturally sensitive person. That it would take more to make me upset or frustrate me. But I also knew what my triggers were, which were many; because of them, people thought I was weak and would take advantage of me.

So I let these people go and stopped caring about them.

There's no reason for me to stay miserable in a relationship when I can find better ones that uplift me. Or build the ones I already have to be stronger.

I understand feeling down – but what I don't understand is wanting to intentionally belittle someone simply because you believe they're beneath you. As someone who was bullied and mainly ignored because I was too shy to speak up as a child, I've dealt with feelings of inferiority. I know what it's like to feel constantly beaten down. I could say, "it gets better," from one generation to another.

But as a twenty-something year old, I think what I would like to emphasize is that if you feel heavily invalidated in a relationship, don't take the abuse. Leave that relationship.

You need people that will be there for you when things don't work out and not make things worse. I can count on one hand how many people I would call in a crisis. And that's okay because those are some of my strongest relationships.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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