invalidation in a relationship
Start writing a post

If You're Always Gonna Put Me Down, Then You're Not Worth My Time

Sorry, not sorry for cutting you out of my life.


The habits of toxic relationships emerge when people start to settle and feel comfortable around each other. Trust opens the relationship even further and allows each person to freely express themselves.

But what happens when we become too comfortable? What happens when we think we can justify yelling and insults?

About five years ago, I had made a friend in recovery who always brought up spirituality and went Friday nights to a church for a special meeting with people who were struggling with specific issues. He was genuine and sweet – yet his behavior changed when I told him I had feelings for him and he rejected me.

He went out more and started drinking even though it is highly encouraged not to drink while on medication (which he ironically forgot to take). He had a rocky relationship with a Peruvian girl; then he dated one of my friends and brought his prior relationship issues into it, which resulted in a nasty break-up.

But what was worse was that his anger. He was starting to invalidate my emotions and experiences. He would send long texts to me about how I was emotionally weak and then insult me for what I wanted.

I didn't want a friend like that. And it hurt to end the friendship because he wasn't like that when I had first met him. But his presence created so much negativity in my life that I didn't see the purpose anymore in having him as a friend.

I had gone through many relationships since then before realizing that I am just a naturally sensitive person. That it would take more to make me upset or frustrate me. But I also knew what my triggers were, which were many; because of them, people thought I was weak and would take advantage of me.

So I let these people go and stopped caring about them.

There's no reason for me to stay miserable in a relationship when I can find better ones that uplift me. Or build the ones I already have to be stronger.

I understand feeling down – but what I don't understand is wanting to intentionally belittle someone simply because you believe they're beneath you. As someone who was bullied and mainly ignored because I was too shy to speak up as a child, I've dealt with feelings of inferiority. I know what it's like to feel constantly beaten down. I could say, "it gets better," from one generation to another.

But as a twenty-something year old, I think what I would like to emphasize is that if you feel heavily invalidated in a relationship, don't take the abuse. Leave that relationship.

You need people that will be there for you when things don't work out and not make things worse. I can count on one hand how many people I would call in a crisis. And that's okay because those are some of my strongest relationships.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments