To this day, my mom might think that I’ve never been "interested" in anyone. Well, I feel like that’s almost impossible. I have had my fair share of people I liked, but those little butterflies in your stomach come and go pretty fast, but crushes. That’s a whole story of its own.
I can count with one hand how many people I’ve actually had a crush on. They weren't easy to get over not because I've ever developed any kind of friendship with them (could be a large reason), but most likely because I’ve never actually told anyone. Yes you read that correctly. Nobody.
I am introverted. And when it comes to these things, sharing your deep dark secrets, in fear that all your friends will go around telling everybody, then have it go straight to the one person who you wish never knew. I didn’t want to feel embarrassed. I always kept it a secret between me, myself, and I.
At the same time, I am very outgoing, so it would be pretty hard to guess who I actually liked. My friends would hardly ever ask because there is no way I would ever spit it out.
That’s the thing with introverts. It’s hard enough for us to open up and have someone gain our trust. Gaining courage to confess is now ten times as hard.
We tend to just stare and do a lot of daydreaming since we’re often in our own thoughts. Online stalking becomes a biggie. It’s basically another way to get to know the person, and everyone stalks on social media, so it’s not really crazy.
You--the person we are hard core gushing over in our minds-- might catch us blushing, even if you just wave. If you see us staring, we’ll look away. At the same time, we might go around hoping to run into you. And we’ll imagine having a conversation and rehearse it unconsciously, only to not say anything we actually rehearsed, or not say anything at all!
Then sometimes it feels like no use. We’ll continue staring, watching, wondering if all the daydreaming could be real. We’ll still crush hard even if the person starts dating someone else. We might replay all the times that there could have been a spark or anything. Maybe I should have just told him!
Soon enough that crush will fade, but without closure, soon might be longer than expected. It’s not easy liking someone, or even sensing that someone might like you!
Most of the time I would just tell my mom, “all the boys are lame,” “there’s no one to like.” But in reality, like all other people, I’ve hard core crushed on the ‘cool kid in your neighborhood,’ or ‘the smart guy who sits in front of you in class,’ and ‘the top athlete on the team (who’s also in your class).’
But back to the fact that I've never told anyone. That is completely true. But friends, I will get over myself soon and you will come to know :P .
