My mom tells me that when I was little I was a model child. I did what she asked me to do, was courteous to my family and elders, did my homework, ate my meals, and went to bed at the right time. While other kids would run around at birthday parties and throw tantrums for cookies on aisle 9, I would watch quietly from the sidelines. I was a “good girl,” not a troublemaker. I was praised for things that came naturally to me… and then I grew up.
It was no longer cute or admirable to be so quiet and reserved. Parent-teacher conferences always ended with the same advice: she needs to speak up more, class participation is important. Naturally, my mom began to worry. “Try to make friends,” she’d say every time she’d leave me alone with the kids at a family reunion. They either assumed I was too much of a stuck-up and a know-it-all to play with them, or I was too childish to include in their exclusive, slightly older group. Needless to say I would end up staying by my mom’s side for the rest of the night.
What she didn’t understand was that I was fine being who I was. I only wished others could see me for who I was, and respect me for it. All I needed was time to get to know them and they needed time to get to know me. With my group of friends, I was always the bold one, the daring one, the one who wasn’t afraid to take risks and always had the best jokes. With them, I could sing at the top of my lungs and dance crazy. To them, I was extroverted because I was so outgoing while I was with them, but it was also because I was so confident in who I was.
I was happy sticking to my same, small group of close friends like glue and preferred getting lost in the world of books to noisy playdates. And over time, I’ve gotten better at showing my extroverted side, too. Part of it was just growing up and becoming more comfortable in my own skin because practice really has made perfect. But I do know my limits.
I now recognize and accept that I’ll never quite know what to say when small talk is called for. I now know I really need some time to “recharge” before and after a big social event. I know that it’s stressful starting new friendships, but those friendships I do make will be meaningful and special.
Personality quizzes never quite got a grasp of who I was. Sometimes, I was Cruella. Other times, I was Cinderella. Myers-Briggs claimed I was destined for the clergy and Pottermore said I would only be a Slytherin. It took a really long time to realize I was just me, an introverted extrovert.
