"Why are you so quiet?" This question seemed to follow me for so many years whenever I was thrown into a new or unfamiliar situation. Now there's nothing wrong with being a more reserved person, but I discovered that being shy made it harder for people to get to know you. I found it held me back from trying new things that interested me because of the fear of failure. But failure alone wasn't the only thing holding me back.
Now, as an 18-year old college student, I've begun to look back on what the driving force behind my shyness was. I was always self-conscious about my appearance as a child, but I guess I could just blame that on society in general. I would tell myself that most people are self-conscious about something. I was never completely confident in anything I did and I found myself mediocre at everything, whether it be sports or academics. I also found that I genuinely cared what people thought about me. I mean as humans we all possess the longing to be liked, but I put the thoughts of others before my own. For instance, I assumed that if my sister told me that my forehead was too big then everyone must think the same thing. I also found that if people paid me a rare compliment, I would shake my head and disagree instead of taking the compliment.
Around my junior year in high school, I had an epiphany of sorts. I can't put my finger on what exactly triggered the gradual change, but I found that I wasn't afraid to show people the real me anymore. I began to participate in more activities and began to put myself out there. I wasn't afraid to be myself around my friends. I knew they would accept me as who I am, even if I do belt Whitney Houston songs (terribly) at the top of my lungs. I no longer waited for people to approach me and say "hello" first, I took the initiative to. I learned to appreciate my differences and came to the realization that my differences are what make me stand out from other people. We should all strive to be different, not the same.
The regrets I have now are mostly attributed to my past fears of standing out. I'm happy with who I am, but wish I would have had this realization earlier in life. I feel as though I missed out on so many things that I would have enjoyed had I been not as scared to try new things.
But I've taken what I've learned about being myself and turned it into something positive. I no longer focus on what other people think about me. I grow increasingly confident in everything I do. I'm not afraid to try new things. I've discovered that being reserved helps you draw inner strength and helps you to improve yourself from within.
I will never be the life of the party. I don't need to be, but I'm a happier person when I can be myself without worrying about what other people think. I hope that "shy" people all over come to the realization that I did. The earlier the better. Don't let fear hold you back from being the person that you really are.
