I wake up everyday with renewed hope and gather my strength.

I work at a Title 1 High school. We have a 98% poverty level along with a large percentage of English Learners.

That is actually a part of my job that I really enjoy. I love working with kids that I can relate to. I know what poverty is and I know what poverty does. I also know that poverty can create some amazing grit, courage, and truly builds integrity and makes for a very strong person. I love the strength and the fire that I see in the eyes of some of my kids. I also love that they are very family oriented. Their languages wrap them in culture and beauty. The hard work of their parents hoping to make something in this country worth holding onto burns in the hearts of these kids. I have multiple kids who have beaten the odds, have gone to the military or college, and have become artists and musicians. They are amazing. I love that. I am encouraged and made strong by that.

The part of my job that tears at my heart and makes me want to give up is the huge level of indifference and apathy that lies like a fog over my campus.

These are some of the things I face every single day:

Kids throw trash wherever they are. Yesterday I picked up eight water bottles off of my classroom floor from one period. Half of them were still full. There were three pieces of gum on the floor and one piece of gum was stuck purposely on the cover of a Steinbeck novel. Hot cheetos were crushed all over the floor. I had a sub and was gone for training. That is what I came back to.

One of my students has been called a snitch her whole life because she told on a bully in kindergarten. She is a freshman. She stopped doing the honors work I assigned her because they made fun of her for being smart.

Another kid refused to do his work. He told me that if I call his mom about this behavior, it would just make him feel less inclined to do work. He plays football and feels that, as long as he gets his work done, he shouldn't have to follow the rules. He said coach told him that copying work is an adequate way to get grades. He would just wait until someone was finished to copy.

Kids tell me that I am their favorite teacher. They purposely make noises in group unison to distract my lessons. They take the paper that I provide for them and make airplanes that say 'fuck you' on them. They have broken three of my staplers and my hand sanitizer bottle. When I asked a kid if he would let kids treat his mom the way he treats me, his favorite teacher, he said, "fuck no."

One teacher told me that last year her kids booed her when she walked in the room. Every day. Another one told me that a kid asked him if he could "handle this dick." I saw a kid burst out of a friend's classroom and look me straight in the eye and said, "I hate that fucking bitch." She told me it happens nearly every day. They all hate their math teacher because he is too nice. They threaten to bring a watermelon to their other teacher because she is allergic. They say they are going to throw it at her. One year, everyone knew the PE teacher was allergic to oranges, so they all got oranges out at a game and purposely peeled and ate them. She ended up in the hospital.

This year, I had a 7 percent effort level in three of my classes. The rest were failing even though we did all the work together, in class, and the answers were on the board. They tell me all the time how patient and understanding I am, and how much I help them. Then, they sit there and do nothing but ask me after class what kind of extra things they can do to get an A in my class. Their 30% grade in November. To an A.

They throw pencils in the ceiling.

They shoot staplers at each other.

They shove cheeto wrappers under the desk bars.

They throw carrots from lunch when the teacher's back is turned.

They make fun of the girl in the back. The girl who is in foster care and doesn't know when she will see her family again.

They make jokes about the stoner kid who comes late every day.

They call each other gay for everything.

They ask to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes to make drug deals.

They ask to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes to take selfies for snap chat.

They ask to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes to get away from the chaos.