When I think of an independent woman, I think of a free woman.
This woman belongs to herself and no one else. She is strong and confident. When she walks by people stare at her; not because of her beauty or fashion, but because of her presence. She lets no one dictate her. She works for what she wants. She does whatever she pleases. This woman is wild and graceful.
She moves to the beat of her own drum. She is what Maya Angelo called Phenomenal Woman. She’s every woman who’s thought for herself. Any woman who has ever fought for her life. She’s the woman I aspire to be…
I see myself and I don’t like who she is. I long to become this independent woman. But I can't seem to find her within myself. I think a big problem is that I forgot who I wanted to be as I grew up. I’ve settled for a life that is consistent and ordinary.
I’ve always admired a woman who knew what she wanted out of life. For me, there’s an aura that surrounds these women. It always takes my breath away when I get to see it. This year I’ve made it my goal to figure this out. I think most women are like myself. Lost to the daily grind, lost to their inner soul. And with that, they forget themselves.
They forget what they want in life, what they wanted when they were just kids. I have forgotten, so how do I get back to that little girl who wanted to be Catwoman when she grew up? And I don’t mean Catwoman, the anti-hero, but the woman behind it all. Who stood for ultimate feminine power. She is wise, smart, daring and classy. There are so many more things I could say about her - I could go on all day.
This year I turn 30; the goal is to become this independent woman or at least get close to it. It’s impossible to say I’ll be this woman by the end of the year, which is when my birthday is. But what I can do is take steps to becoming her. Which means working to become a person I like and respect. Becoming my true self. Which also means doing things I’m afraid of, working hard, and trying my best at everything. I made a list of some of the things I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage to do.
1. Take a ballroom dance class
2. Try out for a play or T.V. role
3. Move to another state or country
4. Learn French
5. Finish writing my book
6. Get my own apartment
7. Learn to skateboard
These are just some of the dreams I had as a child, and some are from when I started to get older. I think if I could capture the kid version of myself and remember who she was, and what she wanted out of life, I would be a lot happier.
I think that goes for everyone, not only women but everyone who has lost themselves. We need to work on ourselves, to become happier, and be the person we want to be.
So, I decided to set myself on fire and be reborn from the ashes. I think that’s the only way to be true to myself - to start over. I don’t know if this will work or not, but I have to try.