The past few months, our world has been at war, not just with us humans, but with itself. Every day I wake up wondering if there will be another disaster or another shooting.

We always say "there's nothing we could've done" and I guess with natural disasters, like the earthquakes and hurricanes, that is the case. We cannot prevent these. However, we all–myself included–sit idly by, complaining about the lack of response. We donate. We pray. But we don't talk to our representatives or ask how we can help directly.

With shootings, we say "oh, they're not stable" or "they were a lone wolf." Unless they look unprivileged, we hesitate to call them terrorists. We refuse to accept that other privileged individuals could pose just as much (if not more of) a threat as the unprivileged, discriminated groups of our country.

With Hurricane Katrina, we all jumped to New Orleans' aid. With Puerto Rico's and Mexico's destruction and suffering, we turn our heads, block it out, and focus on the Kardashian's newest drama or which celebrity has had a wardrobe malfunction.

I've lived through most of the mass shootings in the United States. I watch the news and I read articles of the horror.

When Sandy Hook was attacked in 2012, I thought something would be done. Surely, after children were slaughtered, some change would be made. It didn't have to be banning weapons but ensuring medical and mental clarity and health (both past and present). Instead, we saw a change in how schools practiced lockdowns, accepting this would inevitably happen again.

I remember being put on lockdown during grade school with code phrases like "the bishop is in the building" and not taking it seriously. I remember hearing from my high school friends when I was out of school, that there had been a lockdown for fear of an active shooter in the area.

I think back to Virginia Tech and NIU, and we hoped for change. What we got were "no gun" signs outside of academic buildings. I read a court case which blamed VT for the loss of life for not having an adequate alert system. But why would they? Back in 2009, there was no reason to think that any of this would happen.

Last summer, the Pulse shooting targeted the LGBT+ community. Again we asked for change. But because both the shooter and the targets were discriminated populations, nothing changed.

Waking up on October 2nd, I dreaded the day. As it is the anniversary of a friend's death, I knew the day would be bad. And then my boyfriend showed me the news and it only got worse.

"Stephen Paddock remains an enigma." "Retired 64-year-old loved poker." I have yet to see Paddock be called a domestic terrorist. Mercilessly killing over 50 people, for no reason yet apparent, is terrorism. Regardless of the race of the shooter.

If you want to help in a tangible way, please consider donating blood, if able. Open your heart to those who have loved ones, or who are themselves, affected. Ask what they need you to do and do it. Thoughts and prayers are great, but they make no real change in the now.

Do I blame the government? Yeah, I do. Do I blame them because of the current administration? No.

While the hate and discrimination of many in the US have been brought to light since November, I think that it's been there, waiting, for a lot longer than a year.

Do I think we need better screenings for gun owners? Yes. Do I wonder how Stephen Paddock acquired so many assault weapons? Yes. Do I think taking guns off the streets will solve everything? I really don't know.

Making guns illegal will only make acquiring them more dangerous. Think back to Prohibition. Despite alcohol being illegal, people still drank. Their behaviors just became more secretive and more dangerous, more risky.

I do believe that the current administration is focusing too much on polarizing the country. By focusing all energy on the issues of abortion, health-care, and same-sex marriage, the administration is making people focus on the differences in beliefs. We end up villainizing the "other side".

The administration was quoted saying that Puerto Rico "has thrown our budget a little out of whack." This blames Puerto Rico, and pits us, as Americans, against the Puerto Ricans. Rather than join to help rebuild both Puerto Rico and Mexico, we leave these underdeveloped countries to fend for themselves, while we watch and criticize.

Now I know I've made this almost a political argument. But it's so much more than that. It's a question of if we value some human lives over others. Sadly, I think we do.

One of the deepest desires of my heart is to help and serve others, but we constantly villainize the military and service organizations. We decide one another's worth off of skin color, race, religion, sex, and sexual orientation. We cast those who don't fit neatly into our boxes out.

In the wake of villainy, I wonder if change will come.

I hope the world changes, because I don't know how much longer we can go on like this.