I've never been one to have new years' resolutions because, well, I never actually find success in them. This year, however, I've jumped on the band wagon of choosing a word for the year.

With the close of 2017, I was in a season of impatience, loneliness, and anger. I had no idea what God was wanting to do with my particular circumstances and I was annoyed with the waiting process. That's not surprising because if you know anything about me, then you will know that I am probably the most impatient person on this earth.

I hate waiting. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. And I hate not being in control. But God is in the midst of every one of those things.

He's a patient God and He knows the future. So what gives me the right to rush the journey?What gives me the right to not trust God? To not trust His processes and His actions? To not trust what He brings to the table and in my life?

Throughout 2018, I will be committing myself to trusting God, to trusting His reasonings and His seasons.

So what does trust mean?

To me, trust means finding the calm in the storm; believing in patience and the waiting through trials; nurturing and appreciating doors that are necessary endings; staying still with praise on my lips; crying out when I feel the loneliness of college doom on me; allowing myself to breathe and grow mentally, physically, and spiritually; believing that although I am just a tiny speck on this earth, I am destined for my own specific and important journey.

On the first Sunday of the year, I prayed a prayer about endings and beginnings. I prayed for the Lord to lead me out into waters and dry lands that leave me with no other option than to trust Him and His work. I prayed that He lead me to the point of embracing the grace that He so freely gives, not lends; because we have a Father that gives with no return in mind besides love and trust.

If I'm being honest with you, 2018 scares me. I'm nervous about where God will send me this year and what trials will show up. I'm worried about what Satan will throw in my way to blind me of the promises of the Lord.

But no matter, I will trust in Him and stay still, because in doing so I will find strength in Him (Psalm 27:14).